Thursday, October 29, 2015

Say No More: Why You Shouldn't Always Feel Compelled to Explain Yourself to Others



There I was, doing it again.

Trying to think of an easy way to describe what I currently do for a living without sounding like a huge loser to someone I hadn't talked to in years. You see, I haven't worked on a traditional job for a long time. I'm self-employed and the Lord has given me the freedom to accept only those assignments for which I'm purposed. As a matter of fact, I replaced the word "job" with the word "assignment" years ago. (I'll tell you about that revelation in a future post). But when I found myself struggling to put what I actually do in terms that she could understand, I realized that my problem wasn't her, it was me. The more I stammered, the more questions she kept firing at me, almost like she was Detective Stabler trying to corner a perp in the interrogation room on Law and Order: SVU!

Come to think of it, why was it so important for her know so many details about my life anyway? We weren't ever even close... ever. But I digress...

When I finally got off the phone with her, I really needed to do some soul-searching. I had handled similar situations like this far too many times. I just couldn't let another birthday roll around with me still low-key campaigning for other people's approval of what God has ordained for my life. I really thought I was past that. But when she started peppering me with questions (and doing it with much smugness, might I add), it drudged up some old residue and I wasn't happy about that at all.
"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." ~ Galatians 1:10 NLT
Do you ever feel compelled to "set the record straight" so that your image (whatever that is) stays intact? Do you especially find the urge is strongest when you're doing something that you KNOW God has told you to do? I've been there. It never works out. While you think you're saving your reputation, you're actually slowly losing sight of your own value and significance. Personally, I've found that it's not worth the risk.

It's funny how God's picture of success is often strikingly different from man's picture of success - even saved man. But I've come to realize that whatever my condition may appear to be in the eyes of others, that does not define who I am. Only the people who care about WHO I AM can legitimately say that they care about ME. Therefore, it has become my joy and privilege to leave people with their own thoughts, especially if they seem to be happiest dwelling there. I no longer carry the burden of protecting anyone from my truth!
"What other people think of me is none of my business." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
So I leave you with this, and I hope you wrap your mental arms around this truth and embrace it with all your might.

Whether you have accepted it or not, you are enough. It doesn't matter if you're still growing, still climbing, still trying, and still learning. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Stop living your life to be approved by others. Most people are way to fickle to ever be pleased with anything you do anyway. Make your decisions, your choices, and even your mistakes on your own terms, NOT the terms someone else has assigned to you.

God loves you. He approves you. You were important and special enough for Him to send His only Son, Jesus, to die for your sins and give you eternal life.

Who else would do that for you? Nobody.

Who else is even worthy of doing that for you? Nobody.

Who do you owe an explanation to? Say it with me, "NOBODY!"

Until next week,

Rock Your Worth!


Thursday, October 22, 2015

It's Okay to Be Amazing

Hello There Phenomenal Sisters!

I'm in a Maya kind of mood this week because I'm storming the gates of some of my own obstacles. What about you? Are there some things pushing back against the power of your potential? I gladly share these words of light and wisdom with you. As always, leave me a comment and let me know where you are on your journey. And if you haven't already done so, join us as we get better together by subscribing to The D-Vine.

Be encouraged as you wrap up your week!

~ Tracy









Thursday, October 15, 2015

My Pink SHEro

Hello My Sisters!

As you probably already know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Cities across the nation are all pinked out for the purpose of bringing awareness to this pervasive form of cancer and to help hasten the arrival of a cure. It is now widely known that women are not the only ones who can get breast cancer; men can too. So this month we put on our pink gear and we celebrate the courage and perseverance of all our beloved HEros and SHEros, past and present. Today, I salute my very own Pink SHEro. She'd never call herself a warrior, but I say she fits the bill. She's my sister, Brenda James.

When Brenda went through her bout with breast cancer fourteen years ago, she was living several state away from our family. We live in Texas, so most of us didn't get to personally witness the whole of her journey. Our mother was the only one able to go and be with her at the time she first found out. But it has been a desire of mine to get a first-hand account of her story and to share her story with others. So I recently interviewed her and came away with an even greater since of gratitude and appreciation for the woman she is than I had before. Here's what she had to say...

Brenda

Me: How did you first find out you had breast cancer?

Brenda: I went for a mammogram. I hadn't done one in about two years, so I was a little behind schedule, or what they thought was the schedule at the time. They keep changing how often women should have mammograms. I knew it had been a while and I was not doing the breast exams at home. I don't remember if it was a letter or a call, but they asked me to come back in for another look, and that's when they confirmed that there was something there and that they needed to do a biopsy. At that time, I didn't tell anybody anything. Later, my doctor called and told me that it was indeed breast cancer and that it was at the end of one of the stages. I don't remember which one, but I know it wasn't three or four. It was at the low end though. I decided to get a second opinion, and that doctor said the same thing. The biopsy revealed that the cancer was not only in my left breast, but had spread to my lymph node, under the arm. This was in October 2001. I was 49 years old.

Me: Before the diagnosis, did you ever notice anything wrong?

Brenda: No. Never noticed anything different. I wasn't in pain or anything.

Me: What was your first concern once you were told that you had breast cancer?

Brenda: I remember I didn't cry. I didn't break down. I thought I was okay with it. I had known a friend back in the early 90's who had breast cancer and she survived it. I had also known others who had survived it. So I wasn't necessarily afraid of The Big C.  My next thought was, "Okay, what do I do next." 

Me: So you were more pragmatic about it then?

Brenda: Yes. I feel like I was pretty calm, and that was for me and my son, Justin. He was not quite  13 years old at the time. So I was trying to be strong and show him what to do when something scary happens to you. I wanted him to see somebody strong; somebody who just did what needed to be done. 

Me: What was his immediate reaction, especially with him being the age he was and being a male?

Brenda: He didn't cry about it or break down. I don't know if he talked to his dad about it, which he probably did. But he seemed to be fine at the time. I was hoping that he saw that I was handling it well so that he would be able to do that too. That seemed to be working until later on. 

Me: So what was the next stage of your journey? What treatment did you go through?

Brenda: Well, in the midst of trying to make sure that my son was going be okay, life was still going on. My doctor scheduled me to have a lumpectomy, which I underwent in December of 2001. After the surgery, we chose to do chemotherapy and then radiation. It was kind of crazy around that time because Mom was coming in to stay with Justin while I had my surgery, but a few days beforehand, my car broke down. I had to have transportation in place before she arrived, so that meant I had to get a new car right before my surgery. So I had to deal with the realities of life. 

Me: What was the treatment like?

Brenda: I had to go for chemotherapy once a week for five weeks. I began that stage in December 2001. A friend would drop me off and it took about two or three hours.  I would go and sit in a pretty comfortable chair. They put an IV in my arm and gave me the chemicals to kill the cancer. But every time I went in, they'd have to take a blood sample first to check my white blood cell count and see if I was in good enough condition to do the chemo. They could only use my right arm because my left, where I had the lumpectomy, had to be protected during treatment. No pressure on it, needles, or anything. It's always been hard for them to get blood from me. I would try go in for treatment on a Thursday or Friday so that I would have the weekend to recover and make it back to work on Monday. Sometimes I felt up to going in, sometimes I didn't. Fortunately, I didn't have to use much of my own sick leave because many of my co-workers who knew what I was going through donated some of their own sick leave hours to my account. That was a huge blessing. 

Me: Sounds like you had a good support system in place.

Brenda: Yes, I really did. I had friends who would come get my son and take him to his scout meetings or just take him out for pizza or something so that I could rest. I had church members who would cook meals and bring them by the house so that I didn't have to worry about cooking.  So yes, they made the ordeal a whole lot easier on us.

Me: When did it start to get hard for you?

Brenda: The first time was when my hair first started to come out after my first chemo treatment. I had heard that there would be hair loss, but I didn't think it would come out so quickly and in such large amounts. By the time I came home for Christmas, I was wearing a wig. The hair coming out in big clumps - that was very unnerving for me. That was hard. I should have taken the time to cut my hair before I started chemotherapy. 

Me: I can only imagine. Especially since our hair is so much a part of our persona?

Brenda: Well... it wasn't so much that. It was the fact that a part of my body was coming off of me. I mean the massive amount of hair loss was overwhelming. It was very traumatic. The second hit happened toward the end of my chemo treatment. My friend had to take me to the hospital in April 2002. It was the day before Easter and I was feeling pretty bad; very weak. The hospital was the last place I thought I'd be on Easter Sunday. I wanted to be in church with friends and family. Then came the time I finally realized the toll my this was taking on Justin. When I was in the hospital, I would lie face-down across the bed because that was the most comfortable position for me. Some time later, I was at home lying down in that same position on my bed and Justin walked in and saw me there. This triggered the memory of me going into the hospital and he became very upset. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "The last time you laid in that position, you wound up in the hospital." That's when I realized he had been holding a lot inside and was truly worried about me. It just seemed  like he had been taking things so well. Clearly, he was not. So from that time on, I made sure I watched how I acted around him so as not he wouldn't worry so much.

Me: Understandably. So how did the journey go from there?

Brenda: Shortly after my chemotherapy was over, I had to go in for radiation treatment five days a week for six weeks. This went on all of May and into June of 2002. When I went in I had to lie perfectly still on my back on this hard, uncomfortable table for what seemed like hours. Then they would carefully place these little black tattoos around the area where I'd had my lumpectomy so that they could focus the radiation beam only on the site where it was needed. That was hard to endure because of my back condition (scoliosis). I was told that there would likely be side effects from the treatment, such as burning skin. Thankfully, I never experienced any of that. 

Me: How long was it until you finally received a clean bill of health?

Brenda: I believe it was around November or December of 2002 when my doctor gave me the all-clear.  I had to take a couple of prescribed medications for about five years afterward as part of my post-care plan. Since then, I've never missed my yearly mammogram. I was offered the option of reconstructive surgery, you know, since my left breast was no longer symmetrical with my right breast due to the surgery. But considering everything it took to get rid of the cancer, how symmetrical I looked was the least of my worries. I figured, nah, I can live with this. (laugh)

Me: Was there ever a time when you blamed God or yourself?

Brenda: No, I never did. I guess I've always believed that in life, you take the good and the bad. We're all going to experience ups and downs, so I never saw my ordeal as being somebody's fault... I once had a co-worker ask me if I thought God used this to punish me for some reason. I told her no, I never took it that way. He's been too good for me to say that. I did, however, consider the fact that a nasty smoking habit I had started back in college may have been a factor. I used to be a pretty heavy smoker for about 16 years. Used to smoke two packs of menthols a day. What as I thinking? I didn't stop until I learned I was pregnant with my son. 

Me: Wow! I barely remember ever seeing you smoke though.

Brenda: Yeah, well I did. It's just that you only saw me when I came home to visit, and I made sure I didn't smoke around you guys or in the house.

Me: The things you find out later in life! (laugh) Tell me, how did your experience change you?

Brenda: For one thing, I no longer take one day of my life for granted. I'm far more grateful and aware of just how fragile life can be. I'm also more aware of the miracle that is the human body. I know that things could have gone a whole lot worse. I'm so thankful. As my pastor always says, if God never did anything else for me, he's already done enough. I truly feel that way.  Now there are times when I feel guilty that my experience was so much smoother than that of others I've known. That's why I don't like to call attention to my "survivor" status. When I hear of someone who is fighting breast cancer, I just offer to share my story and hope that it brings them some encouragement in some way. 

Me: Well, I'm sure you're just as much of an inspiration to them as you are to me. In my eyes, you'll always be my Pink Warrior!

*****

On a final note, let's all make sure we go get our annual squeeze on and get that mammogram done sooner rather than later. Early detection is the best detection. And if you know of someone who is in the fight against breast cancer, reach out to cook a meal, take their kids out for some fun, or just be there to hold their hand and make them smile. Love on any level breeds love on every level.

Until next time...

Divine Blessings and Good Health to you all!



Wednesday, October 7, 2015

My Top 5 Fall Favorites

Tracy's Top 5 Fall Faves

Anyone who knows me well can tell you that my FAVORITE time of the year is fall (autumn for you fancy types). I love fall and all of the wonderful things it brings to life. Just makes my heart sing!

#1 Football

One guess who my favorite team is... Just as long as we don't talk about the shameful season they're having so far, you and I can still remain friends. *side-eye*



#2 Fabulous Fall Mornings

Even though it has to get well into the season for us to enjoy this perk in Houston, there's nothing like walking out into a cool, crisp fall morning to get you in the mood for a productive day!


#3 Soups On!

This is a new fave for me. Although I've always enjoyed eating soup, certain ones, like this lovely potato soup (Courtesy of hungry-girl.com) are fast becoming a part of my personal fall diet. I just have to make more effort to lighten up those good ole creamy ones, lest those pesky calories derail me and all my efforts.



#4 All Things Apple

I know that pumpkin is the new "IT" flavor for fall, but my allegiance goes to the awesome apple. I'm having a ball exploring all the amazing fall apple recipes on Pinterest. It's my number one hangout right now. As much as I love this juicy, delicious fruit, you can best believe I'll be trying my hand at almost all of 'em. Can't you just smell that sweet, cinnamony goodness right now? (picture courtesy of liveinthenow.com)


#5 Starbucks Fall Flavors

Yes, please! Mug me with one of those wonderful, hot, delicious Starbucks fall-flavored lattes, mochas, or macchiatos any day and we'll be fast friends. Sipping one of these babies on a crisp fall morning just makes me smile all over. But if I had to choose my star player, it would be... SALTED CARAMEL MOCHA. Yumminess squared!



*Fitness Journey Update*

It's been a while since I posted any updates about how I'm coming along on my journey toward a more fit me, so here's a quick report. I've reached a personal milestone - sticking to my new exercise regimen of working out 30 minutes/day, five days/week. I've been going strong for two months straight, and I'm so proud of myself! My stamina, energy, and strength are steadily improving and I'm sleeping like a champ all night. 

Since I last reported, I've lost 3 1/2 pounds (now at 258.5). So now I'm taking baby steps toward tweaking my portion control and consuming more water. This is my biggest hurdle, but with some practice and mindful planning, I know I'll start to see even greater progress. I've been so encouraged by reading the e-newsletters I get from BWLW: Black Women Losing Weight. They always feature amazingly inspiring success stories from sisters who are winning in the war on obesity. If you're trying to get your weight under control, I recommend them for their healthy tips and inspirational stories.

By the way, I've set a new target - to be FOXY & FIT by FIFTY! My 50th birthday will be 11/21/16 and this will be my present to myself. So keep me lifted, ladies. I can use the support!

Make use of the comment section and share YOUR fall faves with me, and update me on your own personal journey. We can get better together. :)

Happy Autumn!