People are funny. We say we want intimacy but quickly
retreat when we find out what real intimacy will cost us. We want to be with
someone who truly “gets” us, but we’re afraid to be raw and authentic.
What is the risk? That we’ll be judged? Probably. That we’ll
be misunderstood? Maybe. That we’ll be rejected? Could be. But so what!
Think about this – I mean really think about it. If you have to hide the real you in order to
be in relationship with someone, what’s the point? The other person is being
sold a bill of goods. They think they’re getting to know you when, in
actuality, they’re not. What happens when you can’t keep up the charade? The
first thing you’ll probably say is, “See, they really didn’t get me at all!”
Well, how could they when you never even gave them the chance? Not to mention,
you’re placing yourself under unnecessary pressure by trying to play a role
that you’ll never be suited for.
Just recently, my husband and I were recounting some
valuable lessons we’ve learned during the journey of our marriage with a group
of married couples. I shared how I had to come to terms with my own authentic
self and how I was finally able to take the risk of letting him see the good,
the bad, and ugly of me. I told him that I had to know if I could trust him
with my truth. If I couldn’t, then what did we really have? Certainly not
something we could continue to build upon. Basically, I needed to know that his
love for me was truly unconditional, and being my whole self - bumps, bruises,
and all - was the only way I was going to find that out. This was not something
to run from, it was something to run toward. I have to say that testing this out eventually
brought me great peace as a woman and as a wife.
If you’re in doubt right now about the stability of a
relationship you’re in, I encourage you to venture into the uncharted
territories and be who you are with the person(s) who’ve declared their love
for you. It’s better to find out now if it’s real or just imagined. One thing
about real love is that it’s well able to bear the weight of your humanity as
it grows and evolves. That’s the kind of love you can trust with your truth.
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