Say No More: Why You Shouldn't Always Feel Compelled to Explain Yourself to Others

There I was, doing it again.

Trying to think of an easy way to describe what I currently do for a living without sounding like a huge loser to someone I hadn't talked to in years. You see, I haven't worked on a traditional job for a long time. I'm self-employed and the Lord has given me the freedom to accept only those assignments for which I'm purposed. As a matter of fact, I replaced the word "job" with the word "assignment" years ago. (I'll tell you about that revelation in a future post). But when I found myself struggling to put what I actually do in terms that she could understand, I realized that my problem wasn't her, it was me. The more I stammered, the more questions she kept firing at me, almost like she was Detective Stabler trying to corner a perp in the interrogation room on Law and Order: SVU!

Come to think of it, why was it so important for her know so many details about my life anyway? We weren't ever even close... ever. But I digress...

When I finally got off the phone with her, I really needed to do some soul-searching. I had handled similar situations like this far too many times. I just couldn't let another birthday roll around with me still low-key campaigning for other people's approval of what God has ordained for my life. I really thought I was past that. But when she started peppering me with questions (and doing it with much smugness, might I add), it drudged up some old residue and I wasn't happy about that at all.

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." ~ Galatians 1:10 NLT

Do you ever feel compelled to "set the record straight" so that your image (whatever that is) stays intact? Do you especially find the urge is strongest when you're doing something that you KNOW God has told you to do? I've been there. It never works out. While you think you're saving your reputation, you're actually slowly losing sight of your own value and significance. Personally, I've found that it's not worth the risk.

It's funny how God's picture of success is often strikingly different from man's picture of success - even saved man. But I've come to realize that whatever my condition may appear to be in the eyes of others, that does not define who I am. Only the people who care about WHO I AM can legitimately say that they care about ME. Therefore, it has become my joy and privilege to leave people with their own thoughts, especially if they seem to be happiest dwelling there. I no longer carry the burden of protecting anyone from my truth!

"What other people think of me is none of my business." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

So I leave you with this, and I hope you wrap your mental arms around this truth and embrace it with all your might.

Whether you have accepted it or not, you are enough. It doesn't matter if you're still growing, still climbing, still trying, and still learning. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Stop living your life to be approved by others. Most people are way to fickle to ever be pleased with anything you do anyway. Make your decisions, your choices, and even your mistakes on your own terms, NOT the terms someone else has assigned to you.

God loves you. He approves you. You were important and special enough for Him to send His only Son, Jesus, to die for your sins and give you eternal life.

Who else would do that for you? Nobody.

Who else is even worthy of doing that for you? Nobody.

Who do you owe an explanation to? Say it with me, "NOBODY!"

Until next week,

Rock Your Worth!

Who Can You Trust With Your Truth?

People are funny. We say we want intimacy but quickly retreat when we find out what real intimacy will cost us. We want to be with someone who truly “gets” us, but we’re afraid to be raw and authentic.

What is the risk? That we’ll be judged? Probably. That we’ll be misunderstood? Maybe. That we’ll be rejected? Could be. But so what!

Think about this – I mean really think about it. If you have to hide the real you in order to be in relationship with someone, what’s the point? The other person is being sold a bill of goods. They think they’re getting to know you when, in actuality, they’re not. What happens when you can’t keep up the charade? The first thing you’ll probably say is, “See, they really didn’t get me at all!” Well, how could they when you never even gave them the chance? Not to mention, you’re placing yourself under unnecessary pressure by trying to play a role that you’ll never be suited for.

Just recently, my husband and I were recounting some valuable lessons we’ve learned during the journey of our marriage with a group of married couples. I shared how I had to come to terms with my own authentic self and how I was finally able to take the risk of letting him see the good, the bad, and ugly of me. I told him that I had to know if I could trust him with my truth. If I couldn’t, then what did we really have? Certainly not something we could continue to build upon. Basically, I needed to know that his love for me was truly unconditional, and being my whole self - bumps, bruises, and all - was the only way I was going to find that out. This was not something to run from, it was something to run toward. I have to say that testing this out eventually brought me great peace as a woman and as a wife.

If you’re in doubt right now about the stability of a relationship you’re in, I encourage you to venture into the uncharted territories and be who you are with the person(s) who’ve declared their love for you. It’s better to find out now if it’s real or just imagined. One thing about real love is that it’s well able to bear the weight of your humanity as it grows and evolves. That’s the kind of love you can trust with your truth.

Why the Friendly Fire?

Have you ever tried to help someone who was so intent on gaining something that they attacked you in the process. You probably went down yelling, "Hey! What are you doing? I'm on your side!"

I think back to the swimming class I took in college. I was desperately trying to overcome my fear of the water, so I showed up with resolved enthusiasm the day we were to tackle swimming unassisted by holding on to the edge of the pool. (I can hear you avid swimmers out there snickering at me right now!) I calmly lowered myself into the water as my teacher, who was already in the pool, reassured me that she would remain nearby while I practiced the strokes. But it wasn't long before I dipped too low and too long under the water and began to panic. The teacher moved toward me as fast as she could, trying to calm me and stop me from flailing and thrashing all over the place. But the moment she got close enough to help me regain composure, I grabbed her around the neck so hard that I pulled her under with me. Thank God she was a trained professional. I could have killed us both! I didn't realize it at the time, but all she was trying to do was get me back into the right position so I could stop fighting the water and breathe.

That's what friendly fire looks like. By definition, it is to inadvertently fire upon your ally while attempting to engage enemy forces (in my case, the water), resulting in injury and sometimes death. If you know what it feels like to be fired upon, you definitely don't want to be the one holding the gun, do you?

Be honest. Have you been a little too defensive, insensitive, sarcastic, overbearing, or impatient with people whose only aim is to help you out? Have you alienated some of them in your attempt to take the world by storm? If so, you might want to step back and assess where all this unwarranted hostility is coming from. I guarantee you there's probably some unresolved fear at the root of it all. My charge to you is to call a ceasefire. You don't want to risk losing the very ones who were sent to help you win the battle.