Say No More: Why You Shouldn't Always Feel Compelled to Explain Yourself to Others

There I was, doing it again.

Trying to think of an easy way to describe what I currently do for a living without sounding like a huge loser to someone I hadn't talked to in years. You see, I haven't worked on a traditional job for a long time. I'm self-employed and the Lord has given me the freedom to accept only those assignments for which I'm purposed. As a matter of fact, I replaced the word "job" with the word "assignment" years ago. (I'll tell you about that revelation in a future post). But when I found myself struggling to put what I actually do in terms that she could understand, I realized that my problem wasn't her, it was me. The more I stammered, the more questions she kept firing at me, almost like she was Detective Stabler trying to corner a perp in the interrogation room on Law and Order: SVU!

Come to think of it, why was it so important for her know so many details about my life anyway? We weren't ever even close... ever. But I digress...

When I finally got off the phone with her, I really needed to do some soul-searching. I had handled similar situations like this far too many times. I just couldn't let another birthday roll around with me still low-key campaigning for other people's approval of what God has ordained for my life. I really thought I was past that. But when she started peppering me with questions (and doing it with much smugness, might I add), it drudged up some old residue and I wasn't happy about that at all.

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." ~ Galatians 1:10 NLT

Do you ever feel compelled to "set the record straight" so that your image (whatever that is) stays intact? Do you especially find the urge is strongest when you're doing something that you KNOW God has told you to do? I've been there. It never works out. While you think you're saving your reputation, you're actually slowly losing sight of your own value and significance. Personally, I've found that it's not worth the risk.

It's funny how God's picture of success is often strikingly different from man's picture of success - even saved man. But I've come to realize that whatever my condition may appear to be in the eyes of others, that does not define who I am. Only the people who care about WHO I AM can legitimately say that they care about ME. Therefore, it has become my joy and privilege to leave people with their own thoughts, especially if they seem to be happiest dwelling there. I no longer carry the burden of protecting anyone from my truth!

"What other people think of me is none of my business." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

So I leave you with this, and I hope you wrap your mental arms around this truth and embrace it with all your might.

Whether you have accepted it or not, you are enough. It doesn't matter if you're still growing, still climbing, still trying, and still learning. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Stop living your life to be approved by others. Most people are way to fickle to ever be pleased with anything you do anyway. Make your decisions, your choices, and even your mistakes on your own terms, NOT the terms someone else has assigned to you.

God loves you. He approves you. You were important and special enough for Him to send His only Son, Jesus, to die for your sins and give you eternal life.

Who else would do that for you? Nobody.

Who else is even worthy of doing that for you? Nobody.

Who do you owe an explanation to? Say it with me, "NOBODY!"

Until next week,

Rock Your Worth!

It's Okay to Be Amazing

Hello There Phenomenal Sisters!

I'm in a Maya kind of mood this week because I'm storming the gates of some of my own obstacles. What about you? Are there some things pushing back against the power of your potential? I gladly share these words of light and wisdom with you. As always, leave me a comment and let me know where you are on your journey. And if you haven't already done so, join us as we get better together by subscribing to The D-Vine.

Be encouraged as you wrap up your week!

~ Tracy

Silent Success

I was talking with a friend of mine recently and she shared with me that she didn't feel successful in her life right now. There are some personal obstacles and professional challenges she's facing at this time, and because she's not seeing certain results, she felt that she had somehow gone off-course. I could tell by the way she was describing her circumstances that she was obviously judging herself by an improper set of standards.

I asked her to define for me what success looks like. She gave me the standard answer that I expected: more money, fewer hassles, relationships that run smoothly, etc. In her eyes, everyone else around her wasn't dealing with these things, so they must have some secret formula that she doesn't have.

I explained to her that most of us have been conditioned to believe that success is a destination rather than a journey. The truth is, SUCCESS doesn't start at the crossing of the finish line when everyone is cheering and patting you on the back. It starts with all the many intangible things you do in SILENCE that often go uncelebrated. Just ask any champion athlete. She would tell you that she became a winner by making a series of pivotal choices. Think of the countless days she woke up in the wee hours of the morning to run when everyone else was still sleeping. The times she pushed and pulled those ever-increasing weights that would soon strengthen her arms and legs. The many times she pushed her plate away when her companions kept right on eating. Every time she chose these actions, she was being successful. It would seem that those things don't matter until the day of the race. But in actuality, it is because of those silent successes that she was able to endure the race in the first place.

Once my friend received this new perspective, I encouraged her to stop rating her victories according to commonly accepted measures like a bigger bank account, a more prestigious job, or a house of her own, and begin extracting those things that have more lasting and effective value. Here's what she realized:

#1 - She is working at a place where she makes less money than she has ever made before, BUT she is blooming where she has been planted. The children she serves love her to pieces, and she has become a ray of sunshine in their young lives.

#2 - She had to move out of a house she loved but could not longer afford. HOWEVER, she and her son are learning to weather storms together as a team and as a result, they have grown much closer.

#3 - She has had to struggle with lack more often than she would like, BUT in the process she is learning new ways to use what she has available to her, and she is seeing God reveal His faithfulness to her and her son in unprecedented ways.

So I say to you, my sister, if you're struggling with self-doubt right now and you don't feel like you're making any strides toward what others have defined as success, I challenge you to look inward. Allow your challenges to transform you, not trample you.

It's not about the climax, it's about the climb.

Peace & Blessings!

Making Yourself Matter

I did it again... for the umpteenth time. My husband suggested I go shopping for some new clothes but once again, I wormed my way out of going. Then when it was time to pick something out to wear for a recent event, there I was, standing frustrated inside my closet. Crazy, right? I know. This is my secret vicious cycle. 

Why do I do this? Well, that's the million-dollar question. I had to dig deep to find the answer, and believe me, what I found wasn't pretty. However, I hope that by exposing my inner cobwebs, I'll somehow encourage and inspire you to face and do away with your own.

I prayed for some divine insight on this, since I couldn't quite put my finger on my motivation for giving myself such sub-par treatment. Here's what eventually emerged:

• I hate to shop for myself
• Why? Because I don't like the hassle
• Why? Because my issues with fluctuating weight give me angst whenever I try on new clothes
• Due to this angst, I tend to subconsciously avoid shopping unless it's absolutely necessary
• By doing what? Finding an excuse to do ANYTHING else that doesn't require so much time and effort (like take a nap!)
• Message I send to myself: "You don't look right, so why go shopping? You don't matter enough to put time into looking good."
• End result: missed opportunities, limited wardrobe options, frequent frustration, and a bewildered hubby 

See how I had to spiral it all out in order to find the real obstacle? You may have to do the same thing if you ever want to get out of your own self-defeating habit (if you have one). To turn things around, I  put my coaching skills to work on myself. 

Life is an unknown span of time. How you spend that time matters. Therefore, giving yourself a generous helping of that time translates to you, and to those around you, that YOU matter. What you need to feel strong, beautiful, loved, confident - it deserves your attention. Forget about waiting until you like it. Just do it!

This really hit home with me especially when I began to consider the unspoken messages I've probably been sending to my two teenage daughters. As the alpha female in their lives, they will assuredly take their cues from me, so I had better be about the business of modeling proper self-care.

So here's the resolution I made toward MAKING MYSELF MATTER. I asked my husband to hold me accountable for budgeting time and money each month to take care of my own personal needs (wardrobe shopping, eyebrow waxing, mani/pedi, etc.). He goes out of his way to accommodate me in whatever way he can, so I'd better take advantage of all this lovely generosity. As an added measure of accountability, I've decided to post some upcoming pics of my personal care excursions. After all, I can't talk it if I'm not willing to walk it, right?

Now it's your turn. Comment below and tell me what you do (or will do) to MAKE YOURSELF MATTER.

Until next time, keep your head up!

Banish the Box: How to Repossess Your Life (Part One)

Welcome to Part One of a blog post series I call "Banish the Box."

I was inspired to write this based on some work I've been doing recently with a coaching client of mine. In the course of our conversation, the common idiom, "think outside the box" came up, and for some odd reason that old phrase just annoyed me. As we discussed different ways of thinking about her issue, it soon occurred to me why this phrase was getting on my nerves: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN PUT IN A BOX IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Think about it.

This whole concept of coming out of a box alludes to the fact that you're automatically in one whether you know it or not. As humans, we are born with a free will. God gave it to us. But I believe that from the time we are born, there is box we inherit from those who were already here when we arrived, and it is somehow assigned to keep us contained and manageable, lest we upset the status quo. It simply boils down to a matter of convenience.

It's inconvenient to entertain new and untested ideas. It's inconvenient to take time to nurture your growing curiosity. It's inconvenient to listen to your words and process your feelings. It's inconvenient to challenge or reject the tradition and custom, no matter how unreasonable it is. Why can't you just be NORMAL? 

Let me tell you something about NORMAL...

I strived for the better part of my life to be normal. It was a goal of mine that never matched my unique configuration. But like so many, normal seemed to offer me the best chance of fitting in and assuring acceptance by others. But I can tell you, it's an elusive goal. Why? Because it doesn't actually exist. Normal is only called that because it's common. But I've learned that just because something is common doesn't actually mean it's normal. For example, it's normal nowadays to hear people openly use profanity. But that's not normal, it's just common. You see, over time we've just grown accustomed to hearing these vile, poisonous words, so now we've accepted them as part of our cultural lingo. 

When you know in your gut that something doesn't feel right to you, why do you submit anyway? I believe The Box is to blame. It keeps you consistently aware of what everyone else thinks but you. You were never meant to live your life confined to other people's preferences. You are called to live according to THE TRUTH! How else will you ever achieve fulfillment of PURPOSE without doing that?

Starting today, I urge you to stop apologizing for your truth. Whomever is supposed to walk this journey of life with you will be able to handle it, whatever it is. Choose to kick off the box that's been closing in around you your whole life. Banish it! Seek the truth - about who you are, what you need, and why you're here. Then go after it with all you've got!

Breaking the Ice... It's Not So Bad

So there I was, sitting in a Freshman Parents' Meeting at my daughter's school in the midst of a no-nonsense group of parents who were barreling questions at the Principal as he cautiously tried to explain the latest standardized test. You see, this year is the first time this newest "bright idea" from our state's legislature will be administered, and our kids are the prized test subjects they'll use to see if it all works out. Pass the hot, steaming cup of frustration and angst.

Now normally I lay low at these things, especially when I know the atmosphere is thick with fatigue, confusion, and a thin layer of anxiety. I don't blame the Principal for stepping lightly through all of that.

That's when I decided to do something to lighten the mood. I became slightly elated at the thought of doing this, but one thing that induced a little fear was the fact the I wasn't amongst friends; at least not known friends. But as the Q & A wore on, the thing that encouraged me to go ahead was that I recognized this as a situation that could use a quick infusion of lighthearted diversion, if for no reason than to bring some comfort to the Principal. That's what I love to do - encourage and comfort. Plus, I asked myself, "Even if you were among your "known" friends, wouldn't this just be natural for you to do anyway? Just be yourself. Who knows? Somebody might just appreciate it."

So I raised my hand to receive the mic for the next question. When I got it, I had a very serious look on my face as I warned the Principal that this was going to be yet another two-fold question. I could see him bracing himself as he waited for it. So I dropped the first one on him.

"Will the Houston Texans beat the Baltimore Ravens this weekend?"

It only took a second for it to register, but the humor of this question quickly set in all around the room (with the exception of a few lemonizers). The Principal even quipped to the counselor who was taking notes to make sure she got that question answered, as it was of vital importance to the education of our children. Nice touch Dr. A.

After the laughter subsided, I was able to actually ask a perfectly relevant question, and wonder of wonders, the Principal promised to forward it to his own boss because of it's validity. All in all, I'd say that this was a successful leap. So I encourage you to be aware of the next opportunity to change the atmosphere around you for the better by breaking the ice. Don't let what others may think of you stop you, because chances are you're underestimating your own appeal. And even if you bomb, you still remained true to who you are.

Now let's pray for those Texans - because that's what's really important. LOL!