Say No More: Why You Shouldn't Always Feel Compelled to Explain Yourself to Others

There I was, doing it again.

Trying to think of an easy way to describe what I currently do for a living without sounding like a huge loser to someone I hadn't talked to in years. You see, I haven't worked on a traditional job for a long time. I'm self-employed and the Lord has given me the freedom to accept only those assignments for which I'm purposed. As a matter of fact, I replaced the word "job" with the word "assignment" years ago. (I'll tell you about that revelation in a future post). But when I found myself struggling to put what I actually do in terms that she could understand, I realized that my problem wasn't her, it was me. The more I stammered, the more questions she kept firing at me, almost like she was Detective Stabler trying to corner a perp in the interrogation room on Law and Order: SVU!

Come to think of it, why was it so important for her know so many details about my life anyway? We weren't ever even close... ever. But I digress...

When I finally got off the phone with her, I really needed to do some soul-searching. I had handled similar situations like this far too many times. I just couldn't let another birthday roll around with me still low-key campaigning for other people's approval of what God has ordained for my life. I really thought I was past that. But when she started peppering me with questions (and doing it with much smugness, might I add), it drudged up some old residue and I wasn't happy about that at all.

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." ~ Galatians 1:10 NLT

Do you ever feel compelled to "set the record straight" so that your image (whatever that is) stays intact? Do you especially find the urge is strongest when you're doing something that you KNOW God has told you to do? I've been there. It never works out. While you think you're saving your reputation, you're actually slowly losing sight of your own value and significance. Personally, I've found that it's not worth the risk.

It's funny how God's picture of success is often strikingly different from man's picture of success - even saved man. But I've come to realize that whatever my condition may appear to be in the eyes of others, that does not define who I am. Only the people who care about WHO I AM can legitimately say that they care about ME. Therefore, it has become my joy and privilege to leave people with their own thoughts, especially if they seem to be happiest dwelling there. I no longer carry the burden of protecting anyone from my truth!

"What other people think of me is none of my business." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

So I leave you with this, and I hope you wrap your mental arms around this truth and embrace it with all your might.

Whether you have accepted it or not, you are enough. It doesn't matter if you're still growing, still climbing, still trying, and still learning. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Stop living your life to be approved by others. Most people are way to fickle to ever be pleased with anything you do anyway. Make your decisions, your choices, and even your mistakes on your own terms, NOT the terms someone else has assigned to you.

God loves you. He approves you. You were important and special enough for Him to send His only Son, Jesus, to die for your sins and give you eternal life.

Who else would do that for you? Nobody.

Who else is even worthy of doing that for you? Nobody.

Who do you owe an explanation to? Say it with me, "NOBODY!"

Until next week,

Rock Your Worth!

Silent Success

I was talking with a friend of mine recently and she shared with me that she didn't feel successful in her life right now. There are some personal obstacles and professional challenges she's facing at this time, and because she's not seeing certain results, she felt that she had somehow gone off-course. I could tell by the way she was describing her circumstances that she was obviously judging herself by an improper set of standards.

I asked her to define for me what success looks like. She gave me the standard answer that I expected: more money, fewer hassles, relationships that run smoothly, etc. In her eyes, everyone else around her wasn't dealing with these things, so they must have some secret formula that she doesn't have.

I explained to her that most of us have been conditioned to believe that success is a destination rather than a journey. The truth is, SUCCESS doesn't start at the crossing of the finish line when everyone is cheering and patting you on the back. It starts with all the many intangible things you do in SILENCE that often go uncelebrated. Just ask any champion athlete. She would tell you that she became a winner by making a series of pivotal choices. Think of the countless days she woke up in the wee hours of the morning to run when everyone else was still sleeping. The times she pushed and pulled those ever-increasing weights that would soon strengthen her arms and legs. The many times she pushed her plate away when her companions kept right on eating. Every time she chose these actions, she was being successful. It would seem that those things don't matter until the day of the race. But in actuality, it is because of those silent successes that she was able to endure the race in the first place.

Once my friend received this new perspective, I encouraged her to stop rating her victories according to commonly accepted measures like a bigger bank account, a more prestigious job, or a house of her own, and begin extracting those things that have more lasting and effective value. Here's what she realized:

#1 - She is working at a place where she makes less money than she has ever made before, BUT she is blooming where she has been planted. The children she serves love her to pieces, and she has become a ray of sunshine in their young lives.

#2 - She had to move out of a house she loved but could not longer afford. HOWEVER, she and her son are learning to weather storms together as a team and as a result, they have grown much closer.

#3 - She has had to struggle with lack more often than she would like, BUT in the process she is learning new ways to use what she has available to her, and she is seeing God reveal His faithfulness to her and her son in unprecedented ways.

So I say to you, my sister, if you're struggling with self-doubt right now and you don't feel like you're making any strides toward what others have defined as success, I challenge you to look inward. Allow your challenges to transform you, not trample you.

It's not about the climax, it's about the climb.

Peace & Blessings!

Go Ahead, Ask!

Just a little booster this week...

There's no shame in needing help with something in your life. Lately, I've talked to several women who seem to be ashamed about needing help in some area of life. They are usually harboring one of three false beliefs:

1. No one wants to help me.
2. No one should have to help me.
3. No one can help me.

If someone has made you feel too ashamed to ask for what you need, then that person is/was not mature enough to meet the need in the first place. Switch lanes and continue moving forward.

The Truth...

We ALL need help from time to time. Don't assume that no one wants to help you or that no one can. We were all born with something to give to others. What you don't have, I might have. What I don't have, you might. It's just a matter of being divinely connected with the right person or persons. 

This is right up God's alley! If you let Him, He will guide you into these connections at just the right time. It has happened for me on several occasions. I know it will happen for you. So open up your mouth, ask for what you need (I mean REALLY need), and be prepared to receive it.

Let me know when you get it!

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:7

Banish the Box: How to Repossess Your Life (Part One)

Welcome to Part One of a blog post series I call "Banish the Box."

I was inspired to write this based on some work I've been doing recently with a coaching client of mine. In the course of our conversation, the common idiom, "think outside the box" came up, and for some odd reason that old phrase just annoyed me. As we discussed different ways of thinking about her issue, it soon occurred to me why this phrase was getting on my nerves: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN PUT IN A BOX IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Think about it.

This whole concept of coming out of a box alludes to the fact that you're automatically in one whether you know it or not. As humans, we are born with a free will. God gave it to us. But I believe that from the time we are born, there is box we inherit from those who were already here when we arrived, and it is somehow assigned to keep us contained and manageable, lest we upset the status quo. It simply boils down to a matter of convenience.

It's inconvenient to entertain new and untested ideas. It's inconvenient to take time to nurture your growing curiosity. It's inconvenient to listen to your words and process your feelings. It's inconvenient to challenge or reject the tradition and custom, no matter how unreasonable it is. Why can't you just be NORMAL? 

Let me tell you something about NORMAL...

I strived for the better part of my life to be normal. It was a goal of mine that never matched my unique configuration. But like so many, normal seemed to offer me the best chance of fitting in and assuring acceptance by others. But I can tell you, it's an elusive goal. Why? Because it doesn't actually exist. Normal is only called that because it's common. But I've learned that just because something is common doesn't actually mean it's normal. For example, it's normal nowadays to hear people openly use profanity. But that's not normal, it's just common. You see, over time we've just grown accustomed to hearing these vile, poisonous words, so now we've accepted them as part of our cultural lingo. 

When you know in your gut that something doesn't feel right to you, why do you submit anyway? I believe The Box is to blame. It keeps you consistently aware of what everyone else thinks but you. You were never meant to live your life confined to other people's preferences. You are called to live according to THE TRUTH! How else will you ever achieve fulfillment of PURPOSE without doing that?

Starting today, I urge you to stop apologizing for your truth. Whomever is supposed to walk this journey of life with you will be able to handle it, whatever it is. Choose to kick off the box that's been closing in around you your whole life. Banish it! Seek the truth - about who you are, what you need, and why you're here. Then go after it with all you've got!

Pride Begins With "I"

Have you ever tuned into the conversations you have with other people? Even the ones you have with yourself? And no, I'm not talking about 'hearing voices'. It's intriguing to me how many times we use the words "I", "Me", or "My" and go blissfully unaware of the lurking undertones of selfishness and pride.

I used to think that pride was as big as a boulder and, therefore, easy to detect. But I've come to learn that it's usually like a thin, translucent line stretched between two trees that trips you up as you walk along the path. If you get a little too distracted you'll never see it coming.

I won't kid you. I've gotten caught up in the thrill of success when a plan goes off without a hitch and I (even secretly) prompt others to see the role I played in making it happen. I've occasionally judged others under my breath with a sigh and disdainful shake of my head, thinking to myself, "I can't believe she..." I could go on and on with the I thinks, I feels and I knows, but you get my drift.

As I pondered this ugly habit and why it so easily creeps up on most of us, I was struck with the unmistakable kinship pride has with fear. Ultimately, when our automatic self-preservation kicks in, it s fear that usually flips the switch. Fear that we won't be recognized or respected. Fear that we'll lose something or someone. Fear that we won't get something we strongly desire or think that we need. Fear that we won't be found worthy of love and acceptance. Sometimes what we think we're missing is right there all along, but fear keeps us blind to it.

Don't be fooled! It's a trick. Satan fell for it eons ago when he started hungering for what he didn't even need. He was the greatest of all the angels in heaven; skillfully outfitted with unique qualities that were unparalleled. Yet, he created the biggest lie in his own magnificent mind, and it not only consumed him and a third of the angelic host, but it has sealed their doom. (See Isaiah 14:12-15).

I've asked the Holy Spirit to remind me that I, the creature, am not, and will never be or need to be, as great as the Creator. Humility is my friend and an effective gauge of my trust in the Lord. So I leave you with this: whenever your accomplishments or your personal ambitions begin to exalt the screenplay of your life to blockbuster status, remember... the sequel is a always a real downer.

Why the Friendly Fire?

Have you ever tried to help someone who was so intent on gaining something that they attacked you in the process. You probably went down yelling, "Hey! What are you doing? I'm on your side!"

I think back to the swimming class I took in college. I was desperately trying to overcome my fear of the water, so I showed up with resolved enthusiasm the day we were to tackle swimming unassisted by holding on to the edge of the pool. (I can hear you avid swimmers out there snickering at me right now!) I calmly lowered myself into the water as my teacher, who was already in the pool, reassured me that she would remain nearby while I practiced the strokes. But it wasn't long before I dipped too low and too long under the water and began to panic. The teacher moved toward me as fast as she could, trying to calm me and stop me from flailing and thrashing all over the place. But the moment she got close enough to help me regain composure, I grabbed her around the neck so hard that I pulled her under with me. Thank God she was a trained professional. I could have killed us both! I didn't realize it at the time, but all she was trying to do was get me back into the right position so I could stop fighting the water and breathe.

That's what friendly fire looks like. By definition, it is to inadvertently fire upon your ally while attempting to engage enemy forces (in my case, the water), resulting in injury and sometimes death. If you know what it feels like to be fired upon, you definitely don't want to be the one holding the gun, do you?

Be honest. Have you been a little too defensive, insensitive, sarcastic, overbearing, or impatient with people whose only aim is to help you out? Have you alienated some of them in your attempt to take the world by storm? If so, you might want to step back and assess where all this unwarranted hostility is coming from. I guarantee you there's probably some unresolved fear at the root of it all. My charge to you is to call a ceasefire. You don't want to risk losing the very ones who were sent to help you win the battle.

The Push Precedes the Promise

I saw this and absolutely HAD to share it! Sometimes we're on the verge of a breakthrough, and all we need is a PUSH.

Even Eagles Need a Push Movie | Even Eagles Need a Push

Flip the Script

Proverbs 18:6-7 NIV

6 A fool's lips bring him strife,

and his mouth invites a beating.

7 A fool's mouth is his undoing,

and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Has your heart been tempted to fear lately? Mine has. Seems almost everywhere you turn, there’s a bad report; whether it be about money, health, or relationships. I’m not really one to do a whole lot of news-watching, except to stay updated on what’s happening in the world. But I must confess, since the recent unexpected deaths of Michael Jackson and Steve McNair, I’ve been visiting web pages and watching news expose’s that wouldn’t normally be of interest to me. And still, there’s no resolution that brings any real answers, just a lot of confusion and sadness. Even some of the conversations I’ve been in with other people (some of them, fellow believers) has been tainted with talk of the tightness of funds and the uncertainty of the economy. It’s amazing how easy it is to slide into that line of thinking when you’re overexposed to it.

What kind of toll does this take on our faith? It smothers it. If you know like I do, we can’t afford that. It’s what we live by – “The just shall live by faith” (Gal. 3:11b). I’ve found that when I neglect to stand on what I know to be true of God and His love for me, I start taking my cues from fear’s script. All kinds of faithless thoughts find a place to land in my soul and, if left undisturbed, eventually make their way out of my mouth. Don’t think that you’re safe if you just think doubtful, fearful thoughts but never speak them, because whatever you dwell on long enough will eventually manifest. We are just like God in that we create our world by means of what we speak. So if you don’t want it, don’t speak it. If it’s not what God says, don’t repeat it.

I recently put this into practice with something I’m working to improve on as a wife. Without going into too much detail, I was convicted of how the seed of selfishness was beginning to produce “strange fruit” in my marriage. God was requiring me stretch more outside of my comfort zone and I wasn’t too happy about it. But I wanted to change and wanted to have the benefits of that change come alive in my relationship with my husband. So I asked God to help me and he said to me, “You’ve mastered how to talk yourself out of it, now just do the opposite and talk yourself into it.” I won’t lie, I sighed and rolled my eyes, but I decided that if I really wanted to see change, I was going to have to do it God’s way. A way, might I add that I have seen work in my life before.

So I began to say to myself how much I love my husband and how much he means to me. I began to re-tell myself about all of his good qualities and attributes and how much of a blessing he is to my life. I began to tell myself that I desire to give to him, that he deserved it because God wants to show love to him through me. I told myself how much of an honor it is to have someone to love like that. After I did all of this, I didn’t feel anything. But I knew it was time to take the next step in making those words manifest into the change I needed to make. I acted on those words by faith. That’s right – I chose to ignore my flesh and feel it by faith. And do you know what? I saw change begin to happen; first in my actions, then on the inside. Hallelujah!

Perhaps you’ve been feeling God tug at your heart to change something in your life. It may be how you handle money, your eating habits, or your relationships. But whatever it is, remember you don’t have to fret and worry about things that you can’t change. I challenge you to take courage and change those things that are within your power by flipping the script from fear to faith this week.

*If this blessed you, leave a comment and let me know.