Who Can You Trust With Your Truth?

People are funny. We say we want intimacy but quickly retreat when we find out what real intimacy will cost us. We want to be with someone who truly “gets” us, but we’re afraid to be raw and authentic.

What is the risk? That we’ll be judged? Probably. That we’ll be misunderstood? Maybe. That we’ll be rejected? Could be. But so what!

Think about this – I mean really think about it. If you have to hide the real you in order to be in relationship with someone, what’s the point? The other person is being sold a bill of goods. They think they’re getting to know you when, in actuality, they’re not. What happens when you can’t keep up the charade? The first thing you’ll probably say is, “See, they really didn’t get me at all!” Well, how could they when you never even gave them the chance? Not to mention, you’re placing yourself under unnecessary pressure by trying to play a role that you’ll never be suited for.

Just recently, my husband and I were recounting some valuable lessons we’ve learned during the journey of our marriage with a group of married couples. I shared how I had to come to terms with my own authentic self and how I was finally able to take the risk of letting him see the good, the bad, and ugly of me. I told him that I had to know if I could trust him with my truth. If I couldn’t, then what did we really have? Certainly not something we could continue to build upon. Basically, I needed to know that his love for me was truly unconditional, and being my whole self - bumps, bruises, and all - was the only way I was going to find that out. This was not something to run from, it was something to run toward. I have to say that testing this out eventually brought me great peace as a woman and as a wife.

If you’re in doubt right now about the stability of a relationship you’re in, I encourage you to venture into the uncharted territories and be who you are with the person(s) who’ve declared their love for you. It’s better to find out now if it’s real or just imagined. One thing about real love is that it’s well able to bear the weight of your humanity as it grows and evolves. That’s the kind of love you can trust with your truth.

Ever Had a Martha Moment?

If the title peaked your interest, you're probably wondering, 'What's a Martha moment?'

Let me illustrate by telling you about a recent experience I had.

Earlier today, my husband was trying to share some fresh revelation he'd received while in the shower. (That's the place where I get most of my spiritual insights too!). As he was telling me about it in great detail and with much enthusiasm, I, on the other hand, was listening, but was becoming more and more anxious about the risk of this conversation growing to lengthy and making he and the kids late getting off to work and school.

The first time I interrupted him, he took it in stride and kept talking. But the second time, I actually moved in front of the bathroom door and issued another one of my "subtle" warnings to keep it moving so they wouldn't get a late start. Needless to say this second interruption brought our conversation to a screeching halt. One look at the irritation on his face, and I knew I had obviously plucked a nerve. One that ultimately caused him to resign to put a plug on the flow of the Spirit. It took a moment, but then it clicked. I had just had a Martha moment. Just like Martha, one of the sisters of Lazarus, did in Luke 10:38-42.

You know the story. She was so caught up in getting her house guests fed (which was important) that she totally missed the magnificent moment that was happening right before her eyes. Her sister, Mary, didn't let it slip past her though. She was engaged in the MOST important thing - sitting and learning at the Master's feet while she had the chance.

Unfortunately, I've had more of these Martha moments than I'd care to admit. It makes me wonder how many times I've been guilty of not seeing the mighty for being distracted by the minute. Needless to say, after today's experience, I can't wait for part two of what my hubby had to share. He will certainly have my undivided attention this time.

Thank God for more than second chances!

Mothers, Daughters, and the Rocky Road to Womanhood

This has been quite a day!

This morning I interviewed Robin Marsh, co-anchor on Oklahoma City's KWTV-News9, and co-author of the new book, God, Girls, and Getting Connected: Spiritual Apps for a Teen's Life. It was quite a show. When you get a chance, take a listen.

Not too long after that, I got a call from a friend who wanted to discuss a "dating" issue regarding her pre-teen daughter. Oh - and yesterday, I had a lengthy conversation with another friend of mine about girls and how their image of self is becoming more and more at risk.

See a pattern here?

Well, I certainly do, and it's causing my already bubbling passion for the welfare of women and girls to go up another notch. I know quite a few moms out there who have girls in or entering their teen years, and the face of their relationships with one another is changing in ways that they sometimes don't particularly like.

Some of us are very squeamish about talking to our daughters about sex, body image, dating, and relationships. But then there are some (like me) who actually relish the opportunity to have a "real talk" session with their daughters about these subjects. The daughters, on the other hand, tend to run the gamut of a different scale: "I don't dare tell my mom about the boy I'm interested in!" to "Geesh, Mom! TMI!" to "Mom, I think it's cool how you let me express myself when we have our little talks."

Hey, I get it. No matter what your personal style of mothering is, it's not easy guiding your daughter toward womanhood. You constantly wonder, "Am I doing the right thing?" "Am I being too easy/too hard on her?" "Is she really being totally honest with me?" I'm sure our mothers had some of these same concerns.

But one thing I believe about this unique connection between mothers and daughters is this:  Unconditional love has to be the foundation of the relationship. If we keep an open mind and open heart toward God and our daughters, we're sure to make it through all the fabulous phases of womanhood just fine.

Now. Can anybody out there mentor me through menopause???

Just sayin'...