Worth More Than Gold

Just a reminder...

God sees the special in you. Do you see it too? Value yourself.

It's My Birthday and I'll Blog if I Want To!

Today is my 48th birthday. Yay!!! I feel blessed to be alive to see another year.

I'd like to celebrate it blog-style by sharing a few of my FAVORITE things. (Heck! Oprah does it all the time. I don't see why I can't give it a shot, right?)

#1 - My AWESOME, LOVABLE, FANTASTIC, MAGNIFICENT (Can you tell how much I really love these guys?) Family

Husband, B. J. - My true soul-mate and my rock. This man is so good and so loving, I don't have the words to describe him. I love being his wife, but I'm even more honored to be his best friend. Love me some him!

Tyler - My lovely, vivacious, multi-talented 17-year-old. She's my harmonizing partner (we love to sing!). I'm the keeper of her secrets. She's our first-born. Thank you, for letting me practice all my first-time mommyness on you!

Drew - My thoughtful, handsome, creative 16-year-old. My boy is the BEST! Sure, I'm biased, but that's allowed. He always looks out for his mama and he knows I'll always look out for him. Thanks for reminding me to notice and enjoy the simple things in life, son!

Reagan - My cute-as-a-button twin (at least that's what people tell us). She's the one who challenges me, but in a good way. So gifted, inquisitive, and bright; always keeping me thinking and laughing. Wise beyond her 13 years, she never ceases to amaze me with the way she thinks. Her poems always melt my heart. I'll be there, front and center, when you accept that Pulitzer Prize, Mini-Me!

#2 - COFFEE (By itself, in something else... you name it!)

If you know me, you know this. However, let me be clear. I DON'T drink it every day because I don't want to become one of those cranky caffeine addicts. I also DON'T hang out in Starbucks every chance I get, although I will heartily accept their gift cards (HINT-HINT).

#3 - PINTEREST

It's the one social media site that is my weakness, which is strange because I rarely even chat with anybody on it. I just love all those beautiful, bountiful boards, filled with ideas, recipes, tips... I've been known to lose 3 - 4 hours on that site. Not good. So I'm in a self-imposed self-help program, right now. I'll tell you how it goes... right after I pin this neat tip for softening brown sugar...

#4 - LIFE COACHING (at least my brand of it)

I've actually been life coaching for years, I just didn't know it. I've always been the kind of person that people trust to tell their problems to or ask for advice. My true appreciation for this gift only started manifesting itself in recent years. Whether it's women, married couples (along with my wonderfully wise husband), or teens, I love inspiring, motivating and encouraging people to live up to their full potential. So fulfilling and rewarding!

#5 - CHOCOLATE

A picture is worth a thousand words...

So, there you go. Just a few of my favorite things. They always leave me with a special sparkle in my eye.

3 Things That Steal Your Strength

I recently spoke at an event where the theme was "The Journey to Spiritual Wholeness." As I prepared my presentation, I started out on one train of thought but, as so often happens, I ended up on another. My original plan was to just talk about the meaning of real strength and where it comes from. For me, that source is the Spirit of God. As I kept marinating over it, I was led to go in a different direction because of the many times when strength is called for, but doesn't show up. I believe that we all have a certain amount of strength on reserve, but there are obstacles that, when left unaddressed, deplete us and make us too weak to stand up to life.

Obstacle One: An Untamed Ego
Ego is one of those things that we all have but hate to admit to it. Technically, it's your sense of self-importance. Usually, when you think of ego you think of someone who's a diva or a stuffed-shirt-type. But I've even seen people with low self-esteem battle to be the best at feeling the worst. It can go both ways. So how does that affect your strength? Whenever you become the center of your own attention, it is YOU that has to keep yourself on that pedestal. Ego uses up every bit of energy, even its own, to keep itself alive. It's like being crushed under the pressure of your own weight. The Fix: Humble yourself! Know and understand that you are a "created creator." You didn't get here on your own, and you'll never make it on your own. There is someone greater than you and it's only by Him and his power that you succeed. Remember, the reed that won't bow eventually gets broken.

Obstacle Two: Unchecked Emotions
There's an old song that goes, "Feelings... nothing more than feelings." Feelings are fickle. They change with the direction of the wind, and when you allow yourself to be led by them, you lose focus. Once you lose focus, you lose control. You start making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions and set yourself of for heartbreak every time. This kind of behavior takes up way to much of your strength, and instead of standing on what you believe, you fall for anything. Why? Because you're pulled in too many directions. The Fix: Stop putting your hope and trust in people and things. They don't last. Love people. Use things. Trust God.

Obstacle Three: An Unrenewed Mind
Failure to renew the mind actually gives birth to the first two obstacles. When you don't mature in your thinking, you retard your own growth as an individual. You were made for change. Even your physiological make up testifies to that. When life hands you a challenge, do you have a tendency to rely upon the default settings in our mind rather than learn something new? Not good. What you don't know can hurt you. Ignorance nurtures fear, and fear always paralyzes. That's why you may feel like you're stuck in a rut. You may want to do more with your life, but if your thoughts are always focused on obstacles rather than opportunities, it'll never happen. Why? Because you're getting in your own way. What you think, you will inevitably say, and what you say has great power - good or bad. The Fix: Speak differently and you'll think differently. You've got to focus on the truth rather than the facts. Facts tell you it's cold outside. Truth tells you to put on a coat and walk out anyway.

Overcome these three obstacles and your joy will increase. Increased joy equals increased strength!

Coming Face-to-Face with History

You never know where your ordered steps will lead you. I say, “ordered” because my latest adventure was certainly not a result of my own planning.

A couple of weeks ago, my eldest daughter, Tyler, was asked to play at a luncheon honoring notable business women in the Houston area. Tyler is a violinist (for those of you who don’t know). She played the national anthem while the color guard from a local school led the salute to the flag. Her performance was stellar and many words of praise and pats on the back followed, one of which came from a woman who was seated next to us. She promptly booked Tyler to play the same song for her foundation’s upcoming event, commemorating the 50^th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act of1964. We heartily agreed to be there, of course.

I’ve attended many events with my daughter before, but this one in particular will stick with us. The two honorees for the evening were The honorable Senfronia Thompson, Texas State Representative for the 141^st District, and – hold on to your hats – Sarah Collins Rudolph, the 5^th victim and ONLY survivor from the bombing of the 16^th Ave. Baptist Church in Birmingham, AL in 1963. She has been a footnote in the annals of history and the Honey Brown Hope Foundation has helped to elevate her story so that our children can know that there were more than the FOUR LITTLE GIRLS we’ve all read about in history class. Mrs. Rudolph was the youngest of the victims. Her sister and three other young girls died that day because of an unforgettable act of violent hatred. Mrs. Rudolph survived, but lost her right eye and partial sight in her left eye.

Both women were more than deserving of the awards, proclamations, and accolades they received that night. One woman, a public servant and champion of the disenfranchised and forgotten, and one standing as the symbol of the indomitable spirit of a survivor of one of the harshest chapters in American history. It was truly an honor to meet them both. But I think the sweetest memory that I will cherish from that evening was watching my daughter connect with living history in such a way that she was compelled to take her experience back to school and share it with her teachers and classmates. The sacrifices of people she’s only heard and read about became a reality for her and she’ll never be the same.

God is good!

Sarah Collins Rudolph

                 

                                                                     

 State Representative Senfronia Thompson

                                                                                   

Life is Taco Soup

Okay...

The SITSgirls crew recently issued a Back to Blogging Challenge for all of us bloginnistas who sort of fell off the wagon during the summer. Bless their awesome hearts! For people like me who sometimes get stuck too long in the valley of writer's block, this was just the kick in the pants I needed. These writing prompts have helped me so much! It's the little things, you know.

So today, the challenge is to post a favorite fall photo and blog about it. As I pondered what I was going to use as my subject, something lovely and beautifully simplistic came to mind. It's the perfect pictorial to express the essence of my FAVORITE season - fall. From it's rich southwestern flavors to its luscious, comforting aroma, TACO SOUP is unequivocally the signature dish of fall to me. The fall-like colors of all it's satisfying ingredients are the perfect ending to these short days and long nights. And it's the epitome of no-hassle cooking. Just dump everything together in one big pot. Doesn't get any better than that!

If you've never tried a bowl of this heavenly soup, I strongly suggest that you brew up a pot of it for yourself as soon as you feel that first cool snap in the air. After you do, come back and post a comment about what I KNOW will be your newly appointed favorite fall dish!

Taco Soup

Photo and recipe, courtesy of My Blessed Life 

My Fall 2014 Bucket List

It's fall ya'll!

Okay. Now that we've established that I'm a Texan...

I have to say, fall is my absolute favorite season of the year (winter is a close second). I know. I'm weird. But give me a break. Living in southeast Texas, we spend most of the year hovering somewhere warm and sweltering. So, the first inkling we get of a cool breeze in the air (usually by mid-October), we're all about the long sleeves and Uggs down here. But more importantly, we... well I... look forward to certain "Fallicious" things, like welcoming back all things pumpkin (coffee, cupcakes, pancakes, you name it!).

But there are a few things I'd like to do or at least revisit that symbolize fall to me:

• The Texas State Fair (growing up in the DFW area, it was a family tradition)
• A really good, crowd-screaming, band-dancing high school football game (I miss the Friday Night Lights of my teen years)
• Visit a local pumpkin patch (did I mention that I celebrate pumpkins?)
• Go to a Houston Texans home game (they're my favorite NFL team)
• Attend a murder mystery dinner theater (the longer nights just add to the color of it all)
• Having an indulgent lunch at this trendy restaurant called Low Brow (I hear they've mastered all kinds of ways to use crushed Cheetos in gourmet dishes)
• Have fried turkey for Thanksgiving (haven't had it in years and I feel like I'm long overdue)

I could go on, but I need to save some energy (and calories) for Christmas! LOL!

Show Up For Yourself

I've adopted a new motivational slogan for my various missions in life. I call it SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF. It's my personal commitment to giving myself the same attention, energy, and support I freely give to my family, my friends, and those I serve.

I started saying SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF, TRACY a couple of months ago when I got back on the personal health and fitness wagon (for the hundredth time). In short, I put the advice I give to those that I coach to work for myself. It was so simple. But why hadn't I done this sooner?

I pondered over the many excuses I kept giving myself for not taking my weight loss/fitness more seriously.  It certainly isn't consistent with what I do for others. I would never neglect them the way I neglect myself. When I'm taking care of my family, helping my kids to overcome their academic hurdles, being there for a friend who needs to vent, or coaching a client or the teens in my outreach group, I'm giving it the old 100. But when it comes to me and the things that are personal priorities, I go on mute. Aren't I just as valuable and important as they are? How much of an encouragement am I actually being if I'm ignoring my own needs?

Like many women I know, putting others before myself went from being a simple virtue to becoming some sort of distorted badge of honor. This, in and of itself, became an excuse for me to not show up for myself in areas where only I could make a difference for me. If I don't workout, it's not like someone else can burn the calories for me. (How I wish that were true!) If I don't write, how else are my words going to reach the world? How are the characters from my stories eventually going to come to life before the eyes of the millions of readers who'll enjoy my books?

I think President Barak Obama said it best. "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

I've taken this to heart and put it to action in my life, and let me tell you, it's paying off!

• I've gotten up to five consistent workouts a week 
• I'm stronger 
• I feel better about myself and my ability
• My thoughts flow more freely and clearly
• My creativity is rising
• I'm writing more frequently and consistently
• I finally got up the courage to send my first query letter to a publishing agent

So, sister,  I speak with passion when I tell you to SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF. If you don't, who will?

Are You Running Away From Home?

Have you heard about a recent study that reports most people feel more stressed at home than at work? I saw a link to this article posted by one of my Facebook friends. Not only did the article's title catch my eye, but there were so many comments from apparent sympathizers, I couldn't help but be intrigued. So of course I had to blog about it.

I don't know about you but, single or married, home has always been my refuge. However, according to the research reported in the article, women, in particular, feel more stressed at home than they do at work. The reasons they state are fairly obvious because they're so common: 1) "It's easier for women to keep home out of work than to keep work out of home," i.e., answering emails, etc. 2) Work is only the first shift of the day for the average working mom. The proverbial "second shift" kicks in when she gets back home to be met with household chores and parenting duties. 3) At work there are "clear actions" and "rewards." At home, not so much. One outcome that struck me as odd was that women without children reportedly had even more stress at home than women with children. Imagine that! Supposedly, even though working moms have to deal with the ever-changing demands of parenting, the warm emotions that are associated with nurturing children tend to off-set the stress of caring for them. I think that's a built-in perk.

So after reading this and considering how many women spoke up on Facebook to affirm their agreement with this article, I felt like doing a self-assessment.

I work from home, so there is no running away to work. When I did work a traditional office job, I still didn't consider it a getaway from the demands of home. More often than not it was the other way around, to be honest. So what makes the difference for me? I would say it's the fact that even when I was single, I purposefully set boundaries between work and home. While I did like getting paid for my labor, I never allowed myself get wrapped up in getting a check. Therefore, I've never felt like I had to compromise my peace for the sake of financial security (whatever that is!). Even now as a married, working mom that same mindset is still in place for both me and my husband. And we give God ALL the credit for that! He's helped us to transform our minds to the point that we focus on what's most important (putting God first in our home, frequently praying together as a couple and as a family, spending quality time with one another) before we focus on the important (paying bills, homework, doing laundry, etc.). We've set an atmosphere at home that we've committed to maintain, and I believe because of this, everything else has fallen into proper perspective. Work is a blessing. Home is a joy. Stress is out the door!

So how about you? Are you running away from home?

Turn Down, For What?

Remember the Los Angeles riots that broke out back in the '90s? In the midst of all that chaos and racial unrest, the most unlikely cry came from the most unlikely man, and it's still being used today. "Can't we all just get along?" Rodney King said this, ironically enough, after the outrage over the video which captured his brutal assault at the hands of some overzealous LAPD officers gave way to violence in the streets. You would think he would have been the last person to utter such a request. I find myself answering, "Yeah, we could Rodney, if we would just stop trying to control one another."

Recently, a coaching client of mine told me that all her life she had been afraid to be her true self: creative, spontaneous, energetic, even silly when she felt like it. She was told to tone down because she was just "too much" for people to take sometimes. It made her shrink into a mold that almost became a casket, and it was all to try to keep the peace with people who, for whatever reason, couldn't handle her authenticity. Now that she's taken her true identity back and has come out of her shell, she is experiencing life on a whole new level. But she expressed some guilt about that because it has caused someone that she had been close with to be at odds with her. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.

Be honest. Do you find yourself going along to get along sometimes? You know. Not wanting to rock the boat or upset the apple cart? I've done it and it's about as comfortable as wearing pantyhose that are two sizes too small.

When you get a revelation of who you really are and what you've really got, don't be surprised if others get a little puffy in the cheeks about it. The truth is they would be like that anyway, no matter what you do. Misery loves company for a reason. Don't allow their negativity and/or jealousy to cause you to shrink back and lose the ground you've already gained. You are not in charge of making them happy. That's their job.

God has blessed you with a purpose for living. Go after it and live on full blast. Those who get that will get you. So if you must part ways with someone because of this, it's not your fault or your problem. As my beloved Big Mama used to say, "Feed 'em with a long-handled spoon" and move forward.

Life is too good and too short for you to turn down. For what?

Who Can You Trust With Your Truth?

People are funny. We say we want intimacy but quickly retreat when we find out what real intimacy will cost us. We want to be with someone who truly “gets” us, but we’re afraid to be raw and authentic.

What is the risk? That we’ll be judged? Probably. That we’ll be misunderstood? Maybe. That we’ll be rejected? Could be. But so what!

Think about this – I mean really think about it. If you have to hide the real you in order to be in relationship with someone, what’s the point? The other person is being sold a bill of goods. They think they’re getting to know you when, in actuality, they’re not. What happens when you can’t keep up the charade? The first thing you’ll probably say is, “See, they really didn’t get me at all!” Well, how could they when you never even gave them the chance? Not to mention, you’re placing yourself under unnecessary pressure by trying to play a role that you’ll never be suited for.

Just recently, my husband and I were recounting some valuable lessons we’ve learned during the journey of our marriage with a group of married couples. I shared how I had to come to terms with my own authentic self and how I was finally able to take the risk of letting him see the good, the bad, and ugly of me. I told him that I had to know if I could trust him with my truth. If I couldn’t, then what did we really have? Certainly not something we could continue to build upon. Basically, I needed to know that his love for me was truly unconditional, and being my whole self - bumps, bruises, and all - was the only way I was going to find that out. This was not something to run from, it was something to run toward. I have to say that testing this out eventually brought me great peace as a woman and as a wife.

If you’re in doubt right now about the stability of a relationship you’re in, I encourage you to venture into the uncharted territories and be who you are with the person(s) who’ve declared their love for you. It’s better to find out now if it’s real or just imagined. One thing about real love is that it’s well able to bear the weight of your humanity as it grows and evolves. That’s the kind of love you can trust with your truth.