Happy Holidays from The D-Vine!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

from My Family to Yours

Tyler, Tracy, Reagan, B. J., & Drew

Enjoy this season with family and friends. Remember that the birth of Jesus Christ, the savior of the world and the Prince of Peace, is the REAL reason for the season.

Taking a break from blogging next week, but coming back with something NEW & EXCITING JUST FOR YOU! Get ready to kick into full gear in 2016 with my six-week series: ME23.

Before I go, here's some Christmas cheer for you to groove on. :)

You Can Win With What You Have Left

It's wintertime - the season when all that was once green and growing goes cold and dormant. To the naked eye, it's not a pretty picture.

Is that how you're feeling as 2015 draws to a close? Has this been a barren year for you?

Well, I bring you good news! You may be at the end of another calendar year, but that doesn't mean that you aren't on the verge of a personal revolution. That's right! And I don't mean a comeback of epic proportions either (although that would be a righteous surprise too). I mean an awakening in your soul, a shifting in your perspective and your level of expectation that will slowly but surely propel you forward. It can happen, even if you don't think you've got everything it takes to make it happen.

Let me paint a picture for you...

When I was a little girl, I remember going with my mother to the home of one of our elderly church ladies. She was hosting a quilting circle with some of her friends. At the time, I didn't realize what a time-honored tradition this was among our African-American ancestors, but I soon found out.

I can still remember them laughing and chatting away as they leisurely took what looked to me like old raggedy scraps of fabric and effortlessly sewed them into colorful patterns. It took them weeks to finish, and I wasn't there to witness all of their labor. But I can tell you that when they were done, that quilt was fit to be displayed at The Louvre!

Who would have thought that all those little scraps scattered around the floor would eventually yield such an amazingly beautiful and purposeful thing?

Maybe 2015 may have drained a lot out of you. You may feel like you're running on empty right now; like you're left with scraps. 

photo credit: www.absolutelysmall.com

But God looks at your scraps and sees this:

photo credit: www.weallsew.com

That's because He knows the awesome things He can do through your faith. So don't focus on what you don't have. When you do, it makes you blind to your potential and robs you of your promise. Smile over your scraps, girl! They're going to make for a great story someday.

Remember the Old Testament story about the widow who was facing a critical debt situation and had only one vial of oil left in her house? (2 Kings 4:1-7) Go back and check it out. You'll see that it wasn't about what she had. It was about what she was willing to DO with what she had.

So, I ask you, are you willing to use what you've got left?

"Because little becomes much as you place it in the Master's hand." ~ from the song, Ordinary People by Danniebelle Hall

Until next week, Overcomers...

Back in Stride Again

(photo credit: augustaga.gov)

Hello Fellow Champion!

Does the holiday season tend to get you off your game? It happens to me almost every year. As you can probably tell by the dates on my last few posts, I've been M.I.A. for a couple of weeks.

That's how it goes with me. I'll be making great strides, firing on all cylinders - mind, soul, and body. Then as soon as Thanksgiving comes around, I tend to get distracted with all the sights and smells and sounds of the holiday season. And then the bottom falls out. I start eating waaaay to many sweets and getting off-focus and off-task.

But this year, I've made some improvements, I must say.

I set two primary goals. That's right, only TWO. Why? Because I'm old enough now to realize the importance of not biting of more then I know I can chew.

First up, my fitness. When our eldest went off to college at the end of August, I committed to doing a 30-minute workout, Monday through Friday, every week, and with only a couple of missed days due to illness, I've stayed on track. My handsome hubby is a BIG part of the reason for this because he keeps me accountable to what he knows is important to me. (Love you, Babe!)

Second, my writing. I've been writing for years, mostly for other people. But a couple of years ago, I committed to making more time to write for myself. I had a lot of creative ideas floating around in my head, including an amazing novel (which I intend to publish in early 2016), but I wasn't doing much with them. Then one day, I rediscovered the power of the plan. Plans are the road map for your good intentions. Without one, they simply have no where to go. 

My goal is to broaden my blog's exposure to like-minded women. So the first step in my grand plan was to become consisting in posting something relevant to The D-Vine once a week. Now granted, I'm still tweaking and fine-tuning this one, but I give myself a high-five for improved effort. To top it all off, I recently had a friend who was so inspired by seeing my consistent blog posts on Facebook, he reached out to ask how he could start his own blog. Imagine that... and I'm not even blogging at top form - YET! 

The moral of today's post: ENJOY THE SEASON, BUT DON'T LOSE THE REASON.

Yes, this is the time of year that we celebrate the birth of our Great Redeemer, Jesus Christ, but that's the whole point. He came to help you redeem what was lost in the garden - your faith, your strength, your stride.

So what if you dropped the ball for the umpteenth time? That's what grace is for. Take hold of it again and get back in focus. You don't need January 1st for that. You can start right now!

Until next week...

Hugs & Happy Holidays!

P. S. I've got a hot new blog series coming out in January 2016 called ME-23. You're gonna LOVE it! It's a new twist on an old classic that is just what the doctor ordered if you're tired of living a lukewarm life. Stay tuned!

Don't Flinch About the Inch

Time.

That's what it takes for things to come full circle in this life. Three hundred and sixty-five days to complete a year. Forty weeks for a baby to be born full-term. If you have a tendency to want to rush things along, for instance

• A relationship with someone you REALLY like
• Mastering a new skill
• Finding the answer to a challenging problem, or
• Healing from an injury

You are probably painfully aware by now of how damaging your impatience can be. After a few bumps on my own head, I learned to calm the heck down. Who's time was I trying to beat anyway? I was stressing myself out for nothing, that is, until I found out that the sweet spot is found in the single steps you take, not in the jumps you make.

I used to frustrate myself by trying to compare my journey with someone else's, or just by plain rebelling against the wisdom of God. I was afraid that His way was going to take longer and be harder than the way I wanted to go. (Because I'm so smart!)

Over time (ironically enough) I learned the value of letting the seasons of life run their course. After all, they are just seasons. So that means they eventually have to change, right? Once this reality kicked in, I began to manage my expectations much better by setting them according to God's standard and not my own. My standard is usually contaminated with shortsightedness and manipulative motives that are often self-serving (how I want to look or feel or live). His is always pointed toward the bigger picture, which usually has to do with way more than just little ole me.

So the next time you feel yourself about to go there, or you're already there and you need to come back from the edge, try asking yourself these questions: 

• What am I really after?
• Why do I want this?
• Why do I need to do or have this now?
• Is this realistic?

Be real. Don't sugarcoat your motives. Denial only brings about delays. Honest answers, even the ones you may be too ashamed to admit, act as a compass to your soul. They help you determine where you truly are so that you can better discern where you need to be. And isn't that the goal in the first place - to get where you need to be?

Take your time and learn your lessons. Your future deserves this. Even if you can only make one step a day, that's PROGRESS! If you focus on how far or how long, you'll give up. Instead, set your sights on what you can do with what you've got and watch God blow your mind as He adds His super to your natural.

Until next time, Keep It Movin', My Sisters!

Say No More: Why You Shouldn't Always Feel Compelled to Explain Yourself to Others

There I was, doing it again.

Trying to think of an easy way to describe what I currently do for a living without sounding like a huge loser to someone I hadn't talked to in years. You see, I haven't worked on a traditional job for a long time. I'm self-employed and the Lord has given me the freedom to accept only those assignments for which I'm purposed. As a matter of fact, I replaced the word "job" with the word "assignment" years ago. (I'll tell you about that revelation in a future post). But when I found myself struggling to put what I actually do in terms that she could understand, I realized that my problem wasn't her, it was me. The more I stammered, the more questions she kept firing at me, almost like she was Detective Stabler trying to corner a perp in the interrogation room on Law and Order: SVU!

Come to think of it, why was it so important for her know so many details about my life anyway? We weren't ever even close... ever. But I digress...

When I finally got off the phone with her, I really needed to do some soul-searching. I had handled similar situations like this far too many times. I just couldn't let another birthday roll around with me still low-key campaigning for other people's approval of what God has ordained for my life. I really thought I was past that. But when she started peppering me with questions (and doing it with much smugness, might I add), it drudged up some old residue and I wasn't happy about that at all.

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." ~ Galatians 1:10 NLT

Do you ever feel compelled to "set the record straight" so that your image (whatever that is) stays intact? Do you especially find the urge is strongest when you're doing something that you KNOW God has told you to do? I've been there. It never works out. While you think you're saving your reputation, you're actually slowly losing sight of your own value and significance. Personally, I've found that it's not worth the risk.

It's funny how God's picture of success is often strikingly different from man's picture of success - even saved man. But I've come to realize that whatever my condition may appear to be in the eyes of others, that does not define who I am. Only the people who care about WHO I AM can legitimately say that they care about ME. Therefore, it has become my joy and privilege to leave people with their own thoughts, especially if they seem to be happiest dwelling there. I no longer carry the burden of protecting anyone from my truth!

"What other people think of me is none of my business." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

So I leave you with this, and I hope you wrap your mental arms around this truth and embrace it with all your might.

Whether you have accepted it or not, you are enough. It doesn't matter if you're still growing, still climbing, still trying, and still learning. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Stop living your life to be approved by others. Most people are way to fickle to ever be pleased with anything you do anyway. Make your decisions, your choices, and even your mistakes on your own terms, NOT the terms someone else has assigned to you.

God loves you. He approves you. You were important and special enough for Him to send His only Son, Jesus, to die for your sins and give you eternal life.

Who else would do that for you? Nobody.

Who else is even worthy of doing that for you? Nobody.

Who do you owe an explanation to? Say it with me, "NOBODY!"

Until next week,

Rock Your Worth!

It's Okay to Be Amazing

Hello There Phenomenal Sisters!

I'm in a Maya kind of mood this week because I'm storming the gates of some of my own obstacles. What about you? Are there some things pushing back against the power of your potential? I gladly share these words of light and wisdom with you. As always, leave me a comment and let me know where you are on your journey. And if you haven't already done so, join us as we get better together by subscribing to The D-Vine.

Be encouraged as you wrap up your week!

~ Tracy

My Pink SHEro

Hello My Sisters!

As you probably already know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Cities across the nation are all pinked out for the purpose of bringing awareness to this pervasive form of cancer and to help hasten the arrival of a cure. It is now widely known that women are not the only ones who can get breast cancer; men can too. So this month we put on our pink gear and we celebrate the courage and perseverance of all our beloved HEros and SHEros, past and present. Today, I salute my very own Pink SHEro. She'd never call herself a warrior, but I say she fits the bill. She's my sister, Brenda James.

When Brenda went through her bout with breast cancer fourteen years ago, she was living several state away from our family. We live in Texas, so most of us didn't get to personally witness the whole of her journey. Our mother was the only one able to go and be with her at the time she first found out. But it has been a desire of mine to get a first-hand account of her story and to share her story with others. So I recently interviewed her and came away with an even greater since of gratitude and appreciation for the woman she is than I had before. Here's what she had to say...

Brenda

Me: How did you first find out you had breast cancer?

Brenda: I went for a mammogram. I hadn't done one in about two years, so I was a little behind schedule, or what they thought was the schedule at the time. They keep changing how often women should have mammograms. I knew it had been a while and I was not doing the breast exams at home. I don't remember if it was a letter or a call, but they asked me to come back in for another look, and that's when they confirmed that there was something there and that they needed to do a biopsy. At that time, I didn't tell anybody anything. Later, my doctor called and told me that it was indeed breast cancer and that it was at the end of one of the stages. I don't remember which one, but I know it wasn't three or four. It was at the low end though. I decided to get a second opinion, and that doctor said the same thing. The biopsy revealed that the cancer was not only in my left breast, but had spread to my lymph node, under the arm. This was in October 2001. I was 49 years old.

Me: Before the diagnosis, did you ever notice anything wrong?

Brenda: No. Never noticed anything different. I wasn't in pain or anything.

Me: What was your first concern once you were told that you had breast cancer?

Brenda: I remember I didn't cry. I didn't break down. I thought I was okay with it. I had known a friend back in the early 90's who had breast cancer and she survived it. I had also known others who had survived it. So I wasn't necessarily afraid of The Big C.  My next thought was, "Okay, what do I do next." 

Me: So you were more pragmatic about it then?

Brenda: Yes. I feel like I was pretty calm, and that was for me and my son, Justin. He was not quite  13 years old at the time. So I was trying to be strong and show him what to do when something scary happens to you. I wanted him to see somebody strong; somebody who just did what needed to be done. 

Me: What was his immediate reaction, especially with him being the age he was and being a male?

Brenda: He didn't cry about it or break down. I don't know if he talked to his dad about it, which he probably did. But he seemed to be fine at the time. I was hoping that he saw that I was handling it well so that he would be able to do that too. That seemed to be working until later on. 

Me: So what was the next stage of your journey? What treatment did you go through?

Brenda: Well, in the midst of trying to make sure that my son was going be okay, life was still going on. My doctor scheduled me to have a lumpectomy, which I underwent in December of 2001. After the surgery, we chose to do chemotherapy and then radiation. It was kind of crazy around that time because Mom was coming in to stay with Justin while I had my surgery, but a few days beforehand, my car broke down. I had to have transportation in place before she arrived, so that meant I had to get a new car right before my surgery. So I had to deal with the realities of life. 

Me: What was the treatment like?

Brenda: I had to go for chemotherapy once a week for five weeks. I began that stage in December 2001. A friend would drop me off and it took about two or three hours.  I would go and sit in a pretty comfortable chair. They put an IV in my arm and gave me the chemicals to kill the cancer. But every time I went in, they'd have to take a blood sample first to check my white blood cell count and see if I was in good enough condition to do the chemo. They could only use my right arm because my left, where I had the lumpectomy, had to be protected during treatment. No pressure on it, needles, or anything. It's always been hard for them to get blood from me. I would try go in for treatment on a Thursday or Friday so that I would have the weekend to recover and make it back to work on Monday. Sometimes I felt up to going in, sometimes I didn't. Fortunately, I didn't have to use much of my own sick leave because many of my co-workers who knew what I was going through donated some of their own sick leave hours to my account. That was a huge blessing. 

Me: Sounds like you had a good support system in place.

Brenda: Yes, I really did. I had friends who would come get my son and take him to his scout meetings or just take him out for pizza or something so that I could rest. I had church members who would cook meals and bring them by the house so that I didn't have to worry about cooking.  So yes, they made the ordeal a whole lot easier on us.

Me: When did it start to get hard for you?

Brenda: The first time was when my hair first started to come out after my first chemo treatment. I had heard that there would be hair loss, but I didn't think it would come out so quickly and in such large amounts. By the time I came home for Christmas, I was wearing a wig. The hair coming out in big clumps - that was very unnerving for me. That was hard. I should have taken the time to cut my hair before I started chemotherapy. 

Me: I can only imagine. Especially since our hair is so much a part of our persona?

Brenda: Well... it wasn't so much that. It was the fact that a part of my body was coming off of me. I mean the massive amount of hair loss was overwhelming. It was very traumatic. The second hit happened toward the end of my chemo treatment. My friend had to take me to the hospital in April 2002. It was the day before Easter and I was feeling pretty bad; very weak. The hospital was the last place I thought I'd be on Easter Sunday. I wanted to be in church with friends and family. Then came the time I finally realized the toll my this was taking on Justin. When I was in the hospital, I would lie face-down across the bed because that was the most comfortable position for me. Some time later, I was at home lying down in that same position on my bed and Justin walked in and saw me there. This triggered the memory of me going into the hospital and he became very upset. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "The last time you laid in that position, you wound up in the hospital." That's when I realized he had been holding a lot inside and was truly worried about me. It just seemed  like he had been taking things so well. Clearly, he was not. So from that time on, I made sure I watched how I acted around him so as not he wouldn't worry so much.

Me: Understandably. So how did the journey go from there?

Brenda: Shortly after my chemotherapy was over, I had to go in for radiation treatment five days a week for six weeks. This went on all of May and into June of 2002. When I went in I had to lie perfectly still on my back on this hard, uncomfortable table for what seemed like hours. Then they would carefully place these little black tattoos around the area where I'd had my lumpectomy so that they could focus the radiation beam only on the site where it was needed. That was hard to endure because of my back condition (scoliosis). I was told that there would likely be side effects from the treatment, such as burning skin. Thankfully, I never experienced any of that. 

Me: How long was it until you finally received a clean bill of health?

Brenda: I believe it was around November or December of 2002 when my doctor gave me the all-clear.  I had to take a couple of prescribed medications for about five years afterward as part of my post-care plan. Since then, I've never missed my yearly mammogram. I was offered the option of reconstructive surgery, you know, since my left breast was no longer symmetrical with my right breast due to the surgery. But considering everything it took to get rid of the cancer, how symmetrical I looked was the least of my worries. I figured, nah, I can live with this. (laugh)

Me: Was there ever a time when you blamed God or yourself?

Brenda: No, I never did. I guess I've always believed that in life, you take the good and the bad. We're all going to experience ups and downs, so I never saw my ordeal as being somebody's fault... I once had a co-worker ask me if I thought God used this to punish me for some reason. I told her no, I never took it that way. He's been too good for me to say that. I did, however, consider the fact that a nasty smoking habit I had started back in college may have been a factor. I used to be a pretty heavy smoker for about 16 years. Used to smoke two packs of menthols a day. What as I thinking? I didn't stop until I learned I was pregnant with my son. 

Me: Wow! I barely remember ever seeing you smoke though.

Brenda: Yeah, well I did. It's just that you only saw me when I came home to visit, and I made sure I didn't smoke around you guys or in the house.

Me: The things you find out later in life! (laugh) Tell me, how did your experience change you?

Brenda: For one thing, I no longer take one day of my life for granted. I'm far more grateful and aware of just how fragile life can be. I'm also more aware of the miracle that is the human body. I know that things could have gone a whole lot worse. I'm so thankful. As my pastor always says, if God never did anything else for me, he's already done enough. I truly feel that way.  Now there are times when I feel guilty that my experience was so much smoother than that of others I've known. That's why I don't like to call attention to my "survivor" status. When I hear of someone who is fighting breast cancer, I just offer to share my story and hope that it brings them some encouragement in some way. 

Me: Well, I'm sure you're just as much of an inspiration to them as you are to me. In my eyes, you'll always be my Pink Warrior!

*****

On a final note, let's all make sure we go get our annual squeeze on and get that mammogram done sooner rather than later. Early detection is the best detection. And if you know of someone who is in the fight against breast cancer, reach out to cook a meal, take their kids out for some fun, or just be there to hold their hand and make them smile. Love on any level breeds love on every level.

Until next time...

Divine Blessings and Good Health to you all!

My Top 5 Fall Favorites

Tracy's Top 5 Fall Faves

Anyone who knows me well can tell you that my FAVORITE time of the year is fall (autumn for you fancy types). I love fall and all of the wonderful things it brings to life. Just makes my heart sing!

#1 Football

One guess who my favorite team is... Just as long as we don't talk about the shameful season they're having so far, you and I can still remain friends. *side-eye*

#2 Fabulous Fall Mornings

Even though it has to get well into the season for us to enjoy this perk in Houston, there's nothing like walking out into a cool, crisp fall morning to get you in the mood for a productive day!

#3 Soups On!

This is a new fave for me. Although I've always enjoyed eating soup, certain ones, like this lovely potato soup (Courtesy of hungry-girl.com) are fast becoming a part of my personal fall diet. I just have to make more effort to lighten up those good ole creamy ones, lest those pesky calories derail me and all my efforts.

#4 All Things Apple

I know that pumpkin is the new "IT" flavor for fall, but my allegiance goes to the awesome apple. I'm having a ball exploring all the amazing fall apple recipes on Pinterest. It's my number one hangout right now. As much as I love this juicy, delicious fruit, you can best believe I'll be trying my hand at almost all of 'em. Can't you just smell that sweet, cinnamony goodness right now? (picture courtesy of liveinthenow.com)

#5 Starbucks Fall Flavors

Yes, please! Mug me with one of those wonderful, hot, delicious Starbucks fall-flavored lattes, mochas, or macchiatos any day and we'll be fast friends. Sipping one of these babies on a crisp fall morning just makes me smile all over. But if I had to choose my star player, it would be... SALTED CARAMEL MOCHA. Yumminess squared!

*Fitness Journey Update*

It's been a while since I posted any updates about how I'm coming along on my journey toward a more fit me, so here's a quick report. I've reached a personal milestone - sticking to my new exercise regimen of working out 30 minutes/day, five days/week. I've been going strong for two months straight, and I'm so proud of myself! My stamina, energy, and strength are steadily improving and I'm sleeping like a champ all night. 

Since I last reported, I've lost 3 1/2 pounds (now at 258.5). So now I'm taking baby steps toward tweaking my portion control and consuming more water. This is my biggest hurdle, but with some practice and mindful planning, I know I'll start to see even greater progress. I've been so encouraged by reading the e-newsletters I get from BWLW: Black Women Losing Weight. They always feature amazingly inspiring success stories from sisters who are winning in the war on obesity. If you're trying to get your weight under control, I recommend them for their healthy tips and inspirational stories.

By the way, I've set a new target - to be FOXY & FIT by FIFTY! My 50th birthday will be 11/21/16 and this will be my present to myself. So keep me lifted, ladies. I can use the support!

Make use of the comment section and share YOUR fall faves with me, and update me on your own personal journey. We can get better together. :)

Happy Autumn!

Silent Success

I was talking with a friend of mine recently and she shared with me that she didn't feel successful in her life right now. There are some personal obstacles and professional challenges she's facing at this time, and because she's not seeing certain results, she felt that she had somehow gone off-course. I could tell by the way she was describing her circumstances that she was obviously judging herself by an improper set of standards.

I asked her to define for me what success looks like. She gave me the standard answer that I expected: more money, fewer hassles, relationships that run smoothly, etc. In her eyes, everyone else around her wasn't dealing with these things, so they must have some secret formula that she doesn't have.

I explained to her that most of us have been conditioned to believe that success is a destination rather than a journey. The truth is, SUCCESS doesn't start at the crossing of the finish line when everyone is cheering and patting you on the back. It starts with all the many intangible things you do in SILENCE that often go uncelebrated. Just ask any champion athlete. She would tell you that she became a winner by making a series of pivotal choices. Think of the countless days she woke up in the wee hours of the morning to run when everyone else was still sleeping. The times she pushed and pulled those ever-increasing weights that would soon strengthen her arms and legs. The many times she pushed her plate away when her companions kept right on eating. Every time she chose these actions, she was being successful. It would seem that those things don't matter until the day of the race. But in actuality, it is because of those silent successes that she was able to endure the race in the first place.

Once my friend received this new perspective, I encouraged her to stop rating her victories according to commonly accepted measures like a bigger bank account, a more prestigious job, or a house of her own, and begin extracting those things that have more lasting and effective value. Here's what she realized:

#1 - She is working at a place where she makes less money than she has ever made before, BUT she is blooming where she has been planted. The children she serves love her to pieces, and she has become a ray of sunshine in their young lives.

#2 - She had to move out of a house she loved but could not longer afford. HOWEVER, she and her son are learning to weather storms together as a team and as a result, they have grown much closer.

#3 - She has had to struggle with lack more often than she would like, BUT in the process she is learning new ways to use what she has available to her, and she is seeing God reveal His faithfulness to her and her son in unprecedented ways.

So I say to you, my sister, if you're struggling with self-doubt right now and you don't feel like you're making any strides toward what others have defined as success, I challenge you to look inward. Allow your challenges to transform you, not trample you.

It's not about the climax, it's about the climb.

Peace & Blessings!

Let the Defense Rest

If you were born in the 60's like I was, you're probably very familiar with the man in this picture. Perry Mason, played by actor, Raymond Burr, was the indisputable champion of courtroom TV. That is, before mainstream reality TV came along.

If you've ever watched the show, you know that Perry was a defense attorney. As such, his job was to present enough evidence to prove his client's innocence despite the charges being brought against them. When he had sufficiently done so, he would say, "The defense rests."

Unfortunately, the defense in today's courtrooms doesn't always look as honorable as the kind exhibited by the fictional Perry Mason. It has essentially become the act of trying to downplay, if not altogether avoid, the consequences of the truth. 

Now if this sounds similar to last week's post, humor me and keep reading anyway. This is more of a piggyback on that same theme. I promise, I'm taking you to a good place. :)

Have you ever been told you're too DEFENSIVE?

Are you TOUCHY about certain subjects?

Is it hard for you to take CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM?

If you answered yes to any of these, it's time to let YOUR defense rest. You've got to understand, putting up great defense doesn't make you any less responsible for your actions. It just keeps you stuck in denial. Don't do this to yourself. Please know that I'm not even you remotely suggesting that you welcome insults, put-downs, and mean-spirited comments. I'm talking about opening your heart and getting to the real WHY of the situation. That's what the truth is meant to reveal. Once it does, then FREEDOM can take place. 

The next time you're confronted with a personal mistake or flaw, don't put up your dukes in defense. Take the time to filter it through your spirit (hopefully, you're nurturing yours) instead of your heart. The heart is the seat of your emotions, so it may distort what's really going on and cheat you out of an opportunity to grow and become better.

Let the truth stand guard over your heart and you'll be slow to take offense and quick to listen. It it's not true, let it go.

Here's to the NEW & IMPROVED YOU!

The Courage to Take Correction

The other day, my husband and I were in a conversation and he brought up a bad habit that I’ve had for years. Now to be honest, I knew that what he was saying about my habit was TRUE. I just didn’t want to accept it at the time. I had a whole list of justifications for my actions, knowing full well they didn’t really hold water. Bad as it sounds, I was actually trying to protect my “right” to be wrong. Have you ever done that? Probably not, huh? It’s just me? Okay… As he gently rebuked me, I could literally feel a wall of defensiveness rising up within me. I shut down, stopped responding, and decided to just listen, albeit in a passive-aggressive manner. My character was, once again, being reshaped, and I wasn't taking it well at all.

Whoever said, “The truth hurts,” was certainly not making an understatement. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself WHY it hurts? Isn’t truth supposed to be a good thing? It depends on what you’re after - your way or God’s. 

"No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way." 

~ Heb. 12:11 NLT

Here’s what I came to realize (once I cooled down and repented). Truth is meant to bring about correction, and that correction is for my PROTECTION. I’m sure we can all agree that protection is a GOOD THING, right? 

God loves me too much to watch me destroy myself, even in what may seem like the smallest of ways. He wants me to live a life FREE of regret. The only way to do that is to embrace correction whenever it comes my way and to see it as a lifeline and not a choke hold. So when God uses someone to offer me correction, it is an act of LOVE, not punishment or shame. What kind of father would he be anyway if he just let me keep going along a path that he knows will rob me of his best for my life?

Let’s face it. It’s not a popular thing to say ’NO!” to your flesh (your will, your desires, your feelings, your opinions) - even among those in the Body of Christ. And if you’re not careful, subtle pride will seduce you into adopting your will over God’s will, instead of it being the other way around. It takes courage to accept and act on correction. But think of it this way. The initial sting you feel when you are being corrected is nothing compared to the inevitable pain you’ll feel when you finally understand why you should have taken it when you had the chance. Just ask the woman who rejected the truth about the man she chose to marry, despite the numerous warnings from those who really cared about her. But you can’t. Why? Because they still can’t find her body.

Proverbs 12:1 (NLT) warns us that it is actually STUPID for us to avoid correction. Don’t be foolish!

I challenge you not to waste another day fighting for your right to be wrong. Embrace the truth, make the correction, thank the corrector (no matter who they are or how they bring it), and LIVE!

Here’s to a BETTER and WISER you!

How are You Investing Your Tears?

My good friend, Carolyn M., shared something with me a couple of days ago, and I knew right then and there that I had to blog about it. (It's all good. I got her permission to do this.) We were talking about how she has seen a transformation in her ability to rest and restore peace to her life once she answered this crucial question that the Holy Spirit posed to her: 

Are you crying or crying out? 

In a nutshell, are you whining or are you worshipping. When you whine, you’re only focused on the problem. But when you worship (cry out), you’re connecting to The One who helps you to overcome your problems. Therein lies the difference in how many of us respond to the ups and downs of life. This resonated with me on such a deep level. I had entertained a similar thought just a few days before when I pondered how often we waste our tears on things that have no redeeming value. 

Think about it. How often have you cried over the loss of a relationship that took more from you than it deposited? How many times have you pouted when you simply didn’t get your way? How many times have you made a big stink over something that really wasn’t that big of a deal once you thought about it?

I’ll be the first to raise my hand and admit that I’ve been guilty of these things and more. But thanks be to God, I came into the understanding that my tears are an investment. As a matter of fact, they are so valuable that God actually collects them!

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” ~ Psalm 56:8 NLT

Over time, I came to realize that my tears are not meant to be trifled away on issues that are actually a NON-FACTOR in my life’s purpose. So what, they don’t want to be my friend anymore. So what, I didn’t get the house. So what, things didn’t turn out like I expected. No more tears on that stuff!

The only crying I want to do is the kind that counts, not the kind that is driven by selfish desires and immature rants. I want to invest my tears in soulful cries of sincere gratitude as God overwhelms me with his eternal love and faithfulness. I want to sow my tears into passionate prayers over the lost souls in my family and community. I want my heart to stay unselfish enough to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). Those are the tears that will water the seeds of righteousness and bring them into full fruition in my life, just as God intended.

So what are you crying about?

No Room for Regrets

Hey There D-Viners!

How's life treating you? Better yet, how are you treating life?

If you're struggling to get over guilt, shame, or even finding it hard to let go of a good memory to make room for a better one, let these wise words inspire you. No regrets. You've got better waiting for you!

P. S. I've been in the throws of getting our college freshman situated at her new school, so travel plus other miscellaneous mommy duties have taken priority lately. However, I am happy to report that I stayed true to my exercise regimen, even while I was out of town. That's a milestone I'm very pleased about! Stay tuned. I'll be updating you on my latest health & fitness victories next week.

Stay Blessed!

Staying the Course

Okay. So last week, I let you in on my non-scale victories. I still feel very accomplished about those. One reason is because I'm seeing the results of consistency in the area of exercise. I'm almost at three full weeks of five 30-minute workouts/week. That's huge for me!

Now my weight... That's another matter.

I'm at 259.8 lbs and have been holding there for about two weeks. I haven't decreased, but more importantly, I haven't increased. I know that my commitment to working out consistently is to be credited for me not actually gaining more weight.

I have to admit, when I peered down at the number on my scale, I was tempted to beat myself up about it. But then I remembered that it's not about perfection, it's about progress. The path I've chosen is to master one fitness area at a time. So once I'm satisfied that my exercise is steady, then I'll focus more on my eating habits.

Because I'm doing it this way, the extra pounds won't fade as quickly, but that's okay. I feel better just knowing that I'm building better habits by taking it one step at a time. Plus, I'm feeling stronger and sleeping better than I have in months and I'm very happy about that!

Here's my encouragement to you this week:

If you're getting discouraged because either you don't see any progress at all or just not enough, don't check out! Staying the course can sometimes seem fruitless while you're doing it, but one thing is for sure. If you stick to the plan God has given you, YOU WILL WIN! Remember, the blessing is not in the steps you take; it's in your obedience to keep taking them.

"And I'm sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Philippians 1:6 ESV 

Until next week, stay on the path, my victorious sisters!

Milestones of My Month

Hey Ladies!

Here's the update on my fitness journey so far. In this week's post, I decided to share my "non-scale" progress. Don't worry. I will get back to the numbers next month. But as I thought about how often we strain so much at the details that we miss the beauty of the big picture along the way, I feel like this is right on time.

So here goes...

Milestone #1 - Returned to Self-Care

Check out that eyebrow action!

Keeping the promise of accountability that I made in my previous post, Making Yourself Matter, I'm posting this pic as a means of sharing a simple but meaningful personal milestone. I've returned to what used to be a regular practice of self-care for me: getting my eyebrows waxed. I went to the salon on a day that I would have normally found excuses as to why I was too busy to stop by. I not only got my eyebrows done, but I treated myself to a lip wax too. It took just a few minutes of my time, but boy did I feel exquisite after it was done!

Milestone #2 - Consistency

This is one of the images I have on my Spark People goal vision board. I'm celebrating the milestone of 1 1/2 weeks of 5 day/30 minute workouts. One day at a time, I'm reaching my goal of forming a solid habit of consistent exercise and I couldn't be happier with my progress! I'm getting up an hour earlier and getting it in BEFORE I start my day. This way, I don't get sidetracked from my plan. It's working like a charm! I'm feeling stronger and more confident than I have in a while. My hubby says he's super proud of me too! :)

Milestone #3 - Release

I've made a conscious choice not to sweat the small stuff. The more I let go of the inconsequential things (i.e., what I look like in the mirror, other people's opinions, etc.), the lighter and brighter I've become, and not just physically either. I've changed my perspective about myself and my potential by framing my mind around what God has said about me. 

"Body and soul, I am marvelously made!" 

Psalm 139:14 (MSG)

This has made a world of difference. Now I simply use the scale as a way of staying on track, not as a way of keeping score. Yay, me!!!

I hope my sharing encourages you to look outside the normal scope of what you view as progress and start measuring more milestones than mistakes. Take it one day at a time and inch by inch, you'll thrive.

Share the milestones you've made so far in my comment section. (Does NOT have to be fitness-related). I'd love to celebrate with you!

Go Ahead, Ask!

Just a little booster this week...

There's no shame in needing help with something in your life. Lately, I've talked to several women who seem to be ashamed about needing help in some area of life. They are usually harboring one of three false beliefs:

1. No one wants to help me.
2. No one should have to help me.
3. No one can help me.

If someone has made you feel too ashamed to ask for what you need, then that person is/was not mature enough to meet the need in the first place. Switch lanes and continue moving forward.

The Truth...

We ALL need help from time to time. Don't assume that no one wants to help you or that no one can. We were all born with something to give to others. What you don't have, I might have. What I don't have, you might. It's just a matter of being divinely connected with the right person or persons. 

This is right up God's alley! If you let Him, He will guide you into these connections at just the right time. It has happened for me on several occasions. I know it will happen for you. So open up your mouth, ask for what you need (I mean REALLY need), and be prepared to receive it.

Let me know when you get it!

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

Matthew 7:7

Making Yourself Matter

I did it again... for the umpteenth time. My husband suggested I go shopping for some new clothes but once again, I wormed my way out of going. Then when it was time to pick something out to wear for a recent event, there I was, standing frustrated inside my closet. Crazy, right? I know. This is my secret vicious cycle. 

Why do I do this? Well, that's the million-dollar question. I had to dig deep to find the answer, and believe me, what I found wasn't pretty. However, I hope that by exposing my inner cobwebs, I'll somehow encourage and inspire you to face and do away with your own.

I prayed for some divine insight on this, since I couldn't quite put my finger on my motivation for giving myself such sub-par treatment. Here's what eventually emerged:

• I hate to shop for myself
• Why? Because I don't like the hassle
• Why? Because my issues with fluctuating weight give me angst whenever I try on new clothes
• Due to this angst, I tend to subconsciously avoid shopping unless it's absolutely necessary
• By doing what? Finding an excuse to do ANYTHING else that doesn't require so much time and effort (like take a nap!)
• Message I send to myself: "You don't look right, so why go shopping? You don't matter enough to put time into looking good."
• End result: missed opportunities, limited wardrobe options, frequent frustration, and a bewildered hubby 

See how I had to spiral it all out in order to find the real obstacle? You may have to do the same thing if you ever want to get out of your own self-defeating habit (if you have one). To turn things around, I  put my coaching skills to work on myself. 

Life is an unknown span of time. How you spend that time matters. Therefore, giving yourself a generous helping of that time translates to you, and to those around you, that YOU matter. What you need to feel strong, beautiful, loved, confident - it deserves your attention. Forget about waiting until you like it. Just do it!

This really hit home with me especially when I began to consider the unspoken messages I've probably been sending to my two teenage daughters. As the alpha female in their lives, they will assuredly take their cues from me, so I had better be about the business of modeling proper self-care.

So here's the resolution I made toward MAKING MYSELF MATTER. I asked my husband to hold me accountable for budgeting time and money each month to take care of my own personal needs (wardrobe shopping, eyebrow waxing, mani/pedi, etc.). He goes out of his way to accommodate me in whatever way he can, so I'd better take advantage of all this lovely generosity. As an added measure of accountability, I've decided to post some upcoming pics of my personal care excursions. After all, I can't talk it if I'm not willing to walk it, right?

Now it's your turn. Comment below and tell me what you do (or will do) to MAKE YOURSELF MATTER.

Until next time, keep your head up!

The Must-Have Beauty Tool That Will Work For Every Woman

The beauty industry is one of the most lucrative enterprises out there. Billions of dollars are spent on the latest and the greatest beauty trends every year. Go to any newsstand and you'll be bombarded with all kinds of magazine covers promoting hundreds of ways to have a tighter this or a sexier that. There's always some new eye shadow, richer concealer, or longer-lasting lipstick being pitched to you, all in an effort to not only make you more beautiful, but to make that beauty last. But with all these products at our disposal, there is one that most of us never put on. It's the one beauty tool that is not only more effective than all the others, but it leaves a more lasting impression every time you wear it. Just like one of those popular DIY home beauty remedies, it's always been at your fingertips, but you probably don't know it. Best of all, it's absolutely free and it customizes itself to you the moment you put it on. Amazing, right? 

By now you're probably saying, "Get to the point already, girl! What is it?" Okay, okay. I won't keep you in suspense any longer. This miracle-working beauty game-changer is called CONFIDENCE. 

What's so beautiful about confidence, you ask? I wondered the same thing myself a few years ago when my husband pitched this concept to me. You see, I had become a little too dependent on those things that I thought I needed to help me hide all my so-called flaws. I would stress about which shoes would make my feet not look so wide, which jeans made me look less fat, which concealer would be best for covering up my blemishes, etc. Worst of all, I had a nasty habit of making self-deprecating comments about my appearance, and it was particularly annoying to my husband. He said it actually hurt him to hear me talk about myself that way, and he couldn't understand why I did it. Oh, I was full of compliments when it came to my friends. But when it came to embracing myself (flaws and all), I chose to focus on what I felt I lacked rather than what I actually possessed. One day, when my husband just got fed up with me putting myself down, he decided to let me in on what REAL men (emphasis intended) actually find most attractive about a woman - and it's not what you think.

He revealed to me that despite what I might think, I'm most attractive when I feel confident about myself.  He said confidence is so powerful that it works even if I when I don't have a stitch of makeup on my face. Basically, makeup, hairstyles, and clothes only serve to enhance my beauty; they don't define it. This doesn't just apply to me either. When you, as a woman, are confident in who you are, you exude warmth and genuine joy. Joy is powerful and infectious, and people are naturally drawn to it. Now how sexy is that?! 

Not long after my husband and I had this revelatory discussion, I decided to try out this confidence concept while I was on a business trip in Chicago. I was working at an event that I had never worked before with some people I'd just met. I was feeling a little anxious and overwhelmed beforehand. But this time, instead of allowing myself to stress about my outer appearance, I chose to utter a brief prayer before I left my hotel room. I reaffirmed to myself that God was with me and that there was nothing that He and I could not handle. It worked wonders! After the event was over, one of the gentlemen I was working with came over and said to me, "I don't know how you did it all. You've got to be one of the most confident women I've ever met. You never even broke a sweat! It's been a pleasure meeting you and I look forward to working with you again." Little did he know, I barely even knew what I was doing. Made my week!

You may be thinking, "Yeah Tracy, but it's not so easy when you don't feel confident." I've been there. But here's something I've learned and it really helped to take the pressure off. Confidence doesn't start with how you feel, it starts with what you do. It's a choice you make at every opportunity to apply faith in who God says you are and what He has already promised to do on your behalf. You literally have the power to choose to put this belief on and wear it like a badge of honor. Just like the Bible says in Ephesians 6:11 to "Put on the whole armor of God," you must put on confidence. Act like it even if you don't feel it. It's a whole lot easier when the confidence you're putting on is not in yourself, but in God. For once, you don't have to be a perfectionist! His strength is truly made perfect in your weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

Today, I invite you to let God become your personal makeup artist. Trust me, the product he uses will never fade or go out of style. So put on some confidence and go get your shine on, girl!

Don't Let a Setback Send You Back

Hi There Victorious Sisters!

In this, my latest update on my fitness journey, I talk about the progress I've made so far since BEGINNING AGAIN. Also, I briefly talk about setbacks and what to do when you encounter one. If you're pressing your way toward a change you need to make in your life, expect that there will definitely be times when you may miss the mark. Listen to what happened to me...

Are you on the journey towards a better YOU? Leave me a comment and share your ups, downs, and lessons learned along the way. We'll all get better together!

Beginning Again

Well, I'm back on the trail to better health and fitness. To kick off my NEW beginning today, I was inspired to post this short video. It's a means of accountability for me as I set my efforts and intentions toward achieving my goal weight of 135 pounds before my 50th birthday on November 21, 2016. I've got 17 months to get it done. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I'll get there!

If you've got some "extra baggage" of your own, be it pounds, negativity, bad habits, etc., I invite you to join me on the journey toward being our BEST selves.

Banish the Box: How to Repossess Your Life (Part Three)

Banish the Box Part Three: Stop Showing Up for Rehearsal!

Do you sometimes beat yourself up over past mistakes - even if you don't want to? How many times have you sworn you would let something go, but you keep coming back to it?

This is one of the conundrums of that powerful organ that sits between your ears - your beautiful brain. It houses a very great and useful tool called memory. But the problem with your memory is that it is so uncontrollable it often randomly fetches negative words, images, and experiences that you'd rather forget. These debilitating thoughts, if not properly replaced, will eventually lead to actions that can stunt your growth and keep you from enjoying the life God intended you to have. 

Enter The Box again... that ominous obstacle that keeps you restrained by fear, doubt, and low self-esteem.

Here's how it sometimes plays out:

You want to feel strong and confident, but every time you try, you're confronted by the memory of  when your childhood bully embarrassed and belittled you in front of the whole class.

You want to enjoy a healthy, trusting relationship, but you're driven away by the painful memory of your father abandoning you as a child.

You want to pursue a career as an actor, but those old tapes of your parents and others telling you "that's not a real job" keep you paralyzed from even trying out, even though you know you've got the talent.

Why do these memories have such powerful influence over your actions? Because you keep rehearsing them. And as you know, anything you rehearse long enough eventually becomes a part of you. In other words, your past experiences are here to stay. They are a major factor in making you the person that you've become. But the news gets better! Even though you can't erase your past, you DO have the power to close the door on it. 

Ready to break free? Here's how.

When those old negative films start rolling across your mind, instead of allowing them to automatically take over, meet them with new words and images; ones that support the truth. And what is the truth? The bully is no longer around to torture you and he never actually had any real power over your life. Your father may have flown the coop, but that was his choice and it doesn't mean you're not worthy of love and commitment. Your parents may have discouraged you from pursuing an acting career, but you don't have to allow their fears to become your own.

God wants you to use the phenomenal power of choice you've been given to RENEW your mind on a daily basis. You're free to disconnect from the negatives you've been given and chart a whole new path for yourself. So, the next time you're invited to rehearse the thoughts and memories that keep you down and discouraged, decline to indulge. Your time is better spent getting to know the you that God always envisioned. That's the person the world is waiting to meet!

Banish the Box: How to Repossess Your Life (Part Two)

Part Two: It's NOT About What You Stop, It's About What You Start

Have you ever tried to kick a bad habit? Hard isn't it?

Can I tell you why?

It's because you're focused on the wrong thing. 

Change doesn't happen by what you stop doing, but by what you start doing. When you focus on trying to stop doing something, you exhaust yourself physically and emotionally. This happens because all of your potential power is being given to the negative instead of to what's positive.

It takes only one step to start something new. It takes several steps to stop doing something old. So consequently, when you endeavor to stop repeating a bad habit, you feel more stressed and you struggle more. But if you exert that same energy toward making a simple step in the opposite direction, you'll find that you feel less stressful and more empowered. Make sense?

Here are a few examples of how to put this tip into action:

• Instead of trying to stop overeating by restricting yourself to 800 calories a day, start eating a half-sized portion of what you normally eat at each meal
• Instead of trying to stop complaining so much, start repeating a favorite affirmation to yourself out loud in the mirror every morning after you wake up
• Instead of trying to stop watching so much late night TV, start setting an alarm or a reminder to cut the TV off at a certain time each night.

Extra Tip: Every time you complete a START, make note of it, perhaps in a journal, by making a short video blurb, or being accountable to your spouse or friend. Each victory will spur you on to the next one.

As I ALWAYS suggest, PRAY and enlist God's help. Without Him, we can do nothing. Take action one day at a time and share your progress. I'm looking forward to celebrating with you!

"Mile by mile, it's a trial; yard by yard, it's hard, but inch by inch, it's a cinch!"

~ Anonymous

Banish the Box: How to Repossess Your Life (Part One)

Welcome to Part One of a blog post series I call "Banish the Box."

I was inspired to write this based on some work I've been doing recently with a coaching client of mine. In the course of our conversation, the common idiom, "think outside the box" came up, and for some odd reason that old phrase just annoyed me. As we discussed different ways of thinking about her issue, it soon occurred to me why this phrase was getting on my nerves: WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN PUT IN A BOX IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Think about it.

This whole concept of coming out of a box alludes to the fact that you're automatically in one whether you know it or not. As humans, we are born with a free will. God gave it to us. But I believe that from the time we are born, there is box we inherit from those who were already here when we arrived, and it is somehow assigned to keep us contained and manageable, lest we upset the status quo. It simply boils down to a matter of convenience.

It's inconvenient to entertain new and untested ideas. It's inconvenient to take time to nurture your growing curiosity. It's inconvenient to listen to your words and process your feelings. It's inconvenient to challenge or reject the tradition and custom, no matter how unreasonable it is. Why can't you just be NORMAL? 

Let me tell you something about NORMAL...

I strived for the better part of my life to be normal. It was a goal of mine that never matched my unique configuration. But like so many, normal seemed to offer me the best chance of fitting in and assuring acceptance by others. But I can tell you, it's an elusive goal. Why? Because it doesn't actually exist. Normal is only called that because it's common. But I've learned that just because something is common doesn't actually mean it's normal. For example, it's normal nowadays to hear people openly use profanity. But that's not normal, it's just common. You see, over time we've just grown accustomed to hearing these vile, poisonous words, so now we've accepted them as part of our cultural lingo. 

When you know in your gut that something doesn't feel right to you, why do you submit anyway? I believe The Box is to blame. It keeps you consistently aware of what everyone else thinks but you. You were never meant to live your life confined to other people's preferences. You are called to live according to THE TRUTH! How else will you ever achieve fulfillment of PURPOSE without doing that?

Starting today, I urge you to stop apologizing for your truth. Whomever is supposed to walk this journey of life with you will be able to handle it, whatever it is. Choose to kick off the box that's been closing in around you your whole life. Banish it! Seek the truth - about who you are, what you need, and why you're here. Then go after it with all you've got!