Thursday, October 15, 2015

My Pink SHEro

Hello My Sisters!

As you probably already know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Cities across the nation are all pinked out for the purpose of bringing awareness to this pervasive form of cancer and to help hasten the arrival of a cure. It is now widely known that women are not the only ones who can get breast cancer; men can too. So this month we put on our pink gear and we celebrate the courage and perseverance of all our beloved HEros and SHEros, past and present. Today, I salute my very own Pink SHEro. She'd never call herself a warrior, but I say she fits the bill. She's my sister, Brenda James.

When Brenda went through her bout with breast cancer fourteen years ago, she was living several state away from our family. We live in Texas, so most of us didn't get to personally witness the whole of her journey. Our mother was the only one able to go and be with her at the time she first found out. But it has been a desire of mine to get a first-hand account of her story and to share her story with others. So I recently interviewed her and came away with an even greater since of gratitude and appreciation for the woman she is than I had before. Here's what she had to say...

Brenda

Me: How did you first find out you had breast cancer?

Brenda: I went for a mammogram. I hadn't done one in about two years, so I was a little behind schedule, or what they thought was the schedule at the time. They keep changing how often women should have mammograms. I knew it had been a while and I was not doing the breast exams at home. I don't remember if it was a letter or a call, but they asked me to come back in for another look, and that's when they confirmed that there was something there and that they needed to do a biopsy. At that time, I didn't tell anybody anything. Later, my doctor called and told me that it was indeed breast cancer and that it was at the end of one of the stages. I don't remember which one, but I know it wasn't three or four. It was at the low end though. I decided to get a second opinion, and that doctor said the same thing. The biopsy revealed that the cancer was not only in my left breast, but had spread to my lymph node, under the arm. This was in October 2001. I was 49 years old.

Me: Before the diagnosis, did you ever notice anything wrong?

Brenda: No. Never noticed anything different. I wasn't in pain or anything.

Me: What was your first concern once you were told that you had breast cancer?

Brenda: I remember I didn't cry. I didn't break down. I thought I was okay with it. I had known a friend back in the early 90's who had breast cancer and she survived it. I had also known others who had survived it. So I wasn't necessarily afraid of The Big C.  My next thought was, "Okay, what do I do next." 

Me: So you were more pragmatic about it then?

Brenda: Yes. I feel like I was pretty calm, and that was for me and my son, Justin. He was not quite  13 years old at the time. So I was trying to be strong and show him what to do when something scary happens to you. I wanted him to see somebody strong; somebody who just did what needed to be done. 

Me: What was his immediate reaction, especially with him being the age he was and being a male?

Brenda: He didn't cry about it or break down. I don't know if he talked to his dad about it, which he probably did. But he seemed to be fine at the time. I was hoping that he saw that I was handling it well so that he would be able to do that too. That seemed to be working until later on. 

Me: So what was the next stage of your journey? What treatment did you go through?

Brenda: Well, in the midst of trying to make sure that my son was going be okay, life was still going on. My doctor scheduled me to have a lumpectomy, which I underwent in December of 2001. After the surgery, we chose to do chemotherapy and then radiation. It was kind of crazy around that time because Mom was coming in to stay with Justin while I had my surgery, but a few days beforehand, my car broke down. I had to have transportation in place before she arrived, so that meant I had to get a new car right before my surgery. So I had to deal with the realities of life. 

Me: What was the treatment like?

Brenda: I had to go for chemotherapy once a week for five weeks. I began that stage in December 2001. A friend would drop me off and it took about two or three hours.  I would go and sit in a pretty comfortable chair. They put an IV in my arm and gave me the chemicals to kill the cancer. But every time I went in, they'd have to take a blood sample first to check my white blood cell count and see if I was in good enough condition to do the chemo. They could only use my right arm because my left, where I had the lumpectomy, had to be protected during treatment. No pressure on it, needles, or anything. It's always been hard for them to get blood from me. I would try go in for treatment on a Thursday or Friday so that I would have the weekend to recover and make it back to work on Monday. Sometimes I felt up to going in, sometimes I didn't. Fortunately, I didn't have to use much of my own sick leave because many of my co-workers who knew what I was going through donated some of their own sick leave hours to my account. That was a huge blessing. 

Me: Sounds like you had a good support system in place.

Brenda: Yes, I really did. I had friends who would come get my son and take him to his scout meetings or just take him out for pizza or something so that I could rest. I had church members who would cook meals and bring them by the house so that I didn't have to worry about cooking.  So yes, they made the ordeal a whole lot easier on us.

Me: When did it start to get hard for you?

Brenda: The first time was when my hair first started to come out after my first chemo treatment. I had heard that there would be hair loss, but I didn't think it would come out so quickly and in such large amounts. By the time I came home for Christmas, I was wearing a wig. The hair coming out in big clumps - that was very unnerving for me. That was hard. I should have taken the time to cut my hair before I started chemotherapy. 

Me: I can only imagine. Especially since our hair is so much a part of our persona?

Brenda: Well... it wasn't so much that. It was the fact that a part of my body was coming off of me. I mean the massive amount of hair loss was overwhelming. It was very traumatic. The second hit happened toward the end of my chemo treatment. My friend had to take me to the hospital in April 2002. It was the day before Easter and I was feeling pretty bad; very weak. The hospital was the last place I thought I'd be on Easter Sunday. I wanted to be in church with friends and family. Then came the time I finally realized the toll my this was taking on Justin. When I was in the hospital, I would lie face-down across the bed because that was the most comfortable position for me. Some time later, I was at home lying down in that same position on my bed and Justin walked in and saw me there. This triggered the memory of me going into the hospital and he became very upset. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "The last time you laid in that position, you wound up in the hospital." That's when I realized he had been holding a lot inside and was truly worried about me. It just seemed  like he had been taking things so well. Clearly, he was not. So from that time on, I made sure I watched how I acted around him so as not he wouldn't worry so much.

Me: Understandably. So how did the journey go from there?

Brenda: Shortly after my chemotherapy was over, I had to go in for radiation treatment five days a week for six weeks. This went on all of May and into June of 2002. When I went in I had to lie perfectly still on my back on this hard, uncomfortable table for what seemed like hours. Then they would carefully place these little black tattoos around the area where I'd had my lumpectomy so that they could focus the radiation beam only on the site where it was needed. That was hard to endure because of my back condition (scoliosis). I was told that there would likely be side effects from the treatment, such as burning skin. Thankfully, I never experienced any of that. 

Me: How long was it until you finally received a clean bill of health?

Brenda: I believe it was around November or December of 2002 when my doctor gave me the all-clear.  I had to take a couple of prescribed medications for about five years afterward as part of my post-care plan. Since then, I've never missed my yearly mammogram. I was offered the option of reconstructive surgery, you know, since my left breast was no longer symmetrical with my right breast due to the surgery. But considering everything it took to get rid of the cancer, how symmetrical I looked was the least of my worries. I figured, nah, I can live with this. (laugh)

Me: Was there ever a time when you blamed God or yourself?

Brenda: No, I never did. I guess I've always believed that in life, you take the good and the bad. We're all going to experience ups and downs, so I never saw my ordeal as being somebody's fault... I once had a co-worker ask me if I thought God used this to punish me for some reason. I told her no, I never took it that way. He's been too good for me to say that. I did, however, consider the fact that a nasty smoking habit I had started back in college may have been a factor. I used to be a pretty heavy smoker for about 16 years. Used to smoke two packs of menthols a day. What as I thinking? I didn't stop until I learned I was pregnant with my son. 

Me: Wow! I barely remember ever seeing you smoke though.

Brenda: Yeah, well I did. It's just that you only saw me when I came home to visit, and I made sure I didn't smoke around you guys or in the house.

Me: The things you find out later in life! (laugh) Tell me, how did your experience change you?

Brenda: For one thing, I no longer take one day of my life for granted. I'm far more grateful and aware of just how fragile life can be. I'm also more aware of the miracle that is the human body. I know that things could have gone a whole lot worse. I'm so thankful. As my pastor always says, if God never did anything else for me, he's already done enough. I truly feel that way.  Now there are times when I feel guilty that my experience was so much smoother than that of others I've known. That's why I don't like to call attention to my "survivor" status. When I hear of someone who is fighting breast cancer, I just offer to share my story and hope that it brings them some encouragement in some way. 

Me: Well, I'm sure you're just as much of an inspiration to them as you are to me. In my eyes, you'll always be my Pink Warrior!

*****

On a final note, let's all make sure we go get our annual squeeze on and get that mammogram done sooner rather than later. Early detection is the best detection. And if you know of someone who is in the fight against breast cancer, reach out to cook a meal, take their kids out for some fun, or just be there to hold their hand and make them smile. Love on any level breeds love on every level.

Until next time...

Divine Blessings and Good Health to you all!



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