I Want To Believe

Faith is a funny thing. Or should I say, my faith is a funny thing. Why is it that no matter what phenomenal act God just recently performed in my life, as soon as some unexpected challenge arises I start doubting Him - AGAIN! When am I really going to start trusting Him like I should?

There's a song from Kirk Franklin's The Fight of My Life cd called "Help Me Believe" and I think it truly epitomizes what it feels like to want to get off the rollercoaster of doubt and unbelief when you face prolonged or unexpected struggles. For me, the chorus says it all:

Help me Believe

Can I believe

Let Me believe

I wanna believe

I'm no good on my own, please give me another chance

Its hard to believe in what I can't see

To give you my will cause you're what's better for me

You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

It puts me in the mind of someone who had a similar conflict in his own life. The gospel of Mark tells of a grieving father whose son was bound by a deaf and dumb spirit that had constantly been trying to kill him since he was a small child. Can you imagine watching your son or daughter writhing in relentless pain and you are helpless to do anything to stop it?

Hearing about Jesus and his power over demonic spirits, the man brings his son in hopes of finally getting the help he needs. But when he gets there, Jesus is nowhere to be found. Only a few of his disciples are there, and they prove to be no help at all. I can imagine the despair that probably started to drift over his once-hopeful heart. Then, suddenly, Jesus arrives on the scene! The boy's father recounts to the Lord all that he has been through up until that point and then he makes a statement that totally contradicts all the painstaking effort he's made to get help for his boy: "If You can do anything, do have pity on us, and help us." (Mark 9:22 AMP). I can almost see Jesus looking back at the man, disturbed by his statement. What do you mean "if"? As if to say, Don't you know this is the God of the Universe you're talking to?

In his impressive, omnipotent fashion, Jesus eases the man's doubts by telling him that "all things are possible to him that believes". I love the way the Amplified Bible puts the man's response because it's the way I see myself reaching out to God while I'm fighting the good fight of faith:

At once the father of the boy gave [an [k]eager, [l]piercing, inarticulate] cry with tears, and he said, Lord, I believe! [Constantly] help my [m]weakness of faith! (Mark 9:24)

Just like that father, I too am desparate to get to a place where I just simply BELIEVE GOD! Believe His love for me. Believe His infallible integrity towards me. Believe that His will truly is better for me. But even this I cannot do without His help. I need His power to charge my faith up, not to just believe in Him, but to believe Him.

Which brings me to another point...

Did you know that suffering (for doing what God told you to do) is actually a form of worship? Well, it is. (See I Peter ch. 2). So that makes me think very soberly about how worship is handled in my daily life. Yes, it's easy for me to see myself as a worshipper when I'm dancing, singing and praising the Lord in church service or when I'm jamming to some good Israel Houghton or Fred Hammond while driving my truck. But do I really consider myself giving God worship when I'm standing in faith during a time of adversity? Just this morning I read something in an e-votional by Anita Carman, Founder of Inspire Women that deeply challenged my perspective on this:

"In our suffering, let us offer it to God as our way to worship Him. He gets to decide if we will worship Him with our abundance or if we will worship Him with our suffering. Oh the freedom to give up dictating to God the kind of worship we will give Him."

I thought to myself, "Lord, have I really been doing that?" Could it be that I have only been seeing worship as a "warm fuzzy" for me instead of a truly unselfish, heartfelt gift from me to a loving Father? Far be it from me to ever think that way again!

If I'm learning nothing else along this journey, it's that sacrifice authenticates true love. For years I've known that God is my friend. But am I really His friend? Do I love Him enough to trust what He tells me, even if I don't understand it at first? Do I really love Him enough to face the rejection when I'm doing all I can to be obedient to His will?

Time will tell. But as I stated before, I want to believe that I do and that I will.

How about you?

Well-Wishers, Well-Meaners, and Straight Up Haters

I'm on a mission. I'm called to do exactly what I'm doing right now. My life is meant to be a walking billboard of God's awesome love, glory, truth, and power. But there are obstacles that jump in my path sometimes. They come in the form of three types of people.



Well-Wishers

These are the people in my life who aren't intimately connected to me or to what God is doing for me, but they don't mind me doing my thing. They are usually the ones who just think I'm a nice person and don't have a problem with me moving upward - probably because it doesn't affect them one way or the other. But that's cool. I can live with that. At least they're not getting in the way of my purpose.



Well-Meaners

These are the people in my life who I believe geniuinely love me, but don't have a clue about who I really am. Some are friends, some are family, but they all want "what's best for me" - as they see it, that is. Whatever they measure success as, I haven't achieved it, so that compels them to do whatever they can to help me make the right "adjustments" to fit their level of understanding. For a while, I did that. But not anymore. I'm all about what God wants for me now. God's path for me makes them uncomfortable and ready to contest what my agenda really is. Rather than seeking to get an understanding, they react out of emotion. They remind me of Peter when he attempted to "save" Jesus from his impending trial and crucifixion. But Jesus had to set him straight.



Matthew 16:23 (The Message)

23But Jesus didn't swerve. "Peter, get out of my way. Satan, get lost. You have no idea how God works."



Straight Up Haters

These are the people who smile in my face, but talk about me behind my back. They don't want to see God pull off any more miracles in my life. That confuses and frustrates them to no end. They look forward to my failure. But what they don't know is failure is not what can hinder me the most; it's success. The higher I go, the more devils I'll have to confront, the more distracted I can become, the more pride can set in. If they really were as smart as they think they are, they'd be rooting for me to make it all the way to the top! But it doesn't matter what they say or do. God is with me and He trumps those who are against me EVERY TIME.



I challenge you to be bravely, boldly, unapolegetically YOU and stick to the path God has you on. Victory is yours!

Flip the Script

Proverbs 18:6-7 NIV

6 A fool's lips bring him strife,

and his mouth invites a beating.

7 A fool's mouth is his undoing,

and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Has your heart been tempted to fear lately? Mine has. Seems almost everywhere you turn, there’s a bad report; whether it be about money, health, or relationships. I’m not really one to do a whole lot of news-watching, except to stay updated on what’s happening in the world. But I must confess, since the recent unexpected deaths of Michael Jackson and Steve McNair, I’ve been visiting web pages and watching news expose’s that wouldn’t normally be of interest to me. And still, there’s no resolution that brings any real answers, just a lot of confusion and sadness. Even some of the conversations I’ve been in with other people (some of them, fellow believers) has been tainted with talk of the tightness of funds and the uncertainty of the economy. It’s amazing how easy it is to slide into that line of thinking when you’re overexposed to it.

What kind of toll does this take on our faith? It smothers it. If you know like I do, we can’t afford that. It’s what we live by – “The just shall live by faith” (Gal. 3:11b). I’ve found that when I neglect to stand on what I know to be true of God and His love for me, I start taking my cues from fear’s script. All kinds of faithless thoughts find a place to land in my soul and, if left undisturbed, eventually make their way out of my mouth. Don’t think that you’re safe if you just think doubtful, fearful thoughts but never speak them, because whatever you dwell on long enough will eventually manifest. We are just like God in that we create our world by means of what we speak. So if you don’t want it, don’t speak it. If it’s not what God says, don’t repeat it.

I recently put this into practice with something I’m working to improve on as a wife. Without going into too much detail, I was convicted of how the seed of selfishness was beginning to produce “strange fruit” in my marriage. God was requiring me stretch more outside of my comfort zone and I wasn’t too happy about it. But I wanted to change and wanted to have the benefits of that change come alive in my relationship with my husband. So I asked God to help me and he said to me, “You’ve mastered how to talk yourself out of it, now just do the opposite and talk yourself into it.” I won’t lie, I sighed and rolled my eyes, but I decided that if I really wanted to see change, I was going to have to do it God’s way. A way, might I add that I have seen work in my life before.

So I began to say to myself how much I love my husband and how much he means to me. I began to re-tell myself about all of his good qualities and attributes and how much of a blessing he is to my life. I began to tell myself that I desire to give to him, that he deserved it because God wants to show love to him through me. I told myself how much of an honor it is to have someone to love like that. After I did all of this, I didn’t feel anything. But I knew it was time to take the next step in making those words manifest into the change I needed to make. I acted on those words by faith. That’s right – I chose to ignore my flesh and feel it by faith. And do you know what? I saw change begin to happen; first in my actions, then on the inside. Hallelujah!

Perhaps you’ve been feeling God tug at your heart to change something in your life. It may be how you handle money, your eating habits, or your relationships. But whatever it is, remember you don’t have to fret and worry about things that you can’t change. I challenge you to take courage and change those things that are within your power by flipping the script from fear to faith this week.

*If this blessed you, leave a comment and let me know.