Hiding Behind My Hair

Have you seen the new Netflix movie, Nappily Ever After? Upon the recommendation of my daughter, Tyler, I watched it and it got me thinking.

Not to give away any spoilers, but the main character, Violet, represents so many women; obsessing our whole lives over what our hair says about us. From relaxers to naturals, from weaves to wigs, the  volatile love-hate relationship between us and our tresses rages on.

I can relate.

Sometimes my hair trials are flat-out funny. But then there are times I find myself angry when my hair won't cooperate. It seems like the mass on top of my head has become personified as a mortal enemy, threatening to expose my most intimate flaws to the public.

And don't you laugh if I sound extra! You know it's true.

A couple of days before I watched Nappily Ever After I had a much-needed wake-up call about me and my personal hair drama.

A dear friend had invited me to attend a Women's Day celebration at her church. I had already committed to go with her just weeks prior. I knew how much it would mean to her for me to be there in support. Then the night before, I found myself coming up with all kinds of excuses to my husband about why I should back out of going. But do you want to know my primary excuse? My freakin' hair!

There I was, standing before a mirror detesting the burgeoning new growth sprouting out from beneath my natural locs. My stress was skyrocketing just thinking about the task of trying to tame my hair well enough for it not to attract any negative attention. I had chosen a nice outfit, cute shoes, and a lovely handbag. My hair was the only member of the ensemble that wouldn't cooperate and it was completely overshadowing everything else. How silly is that?

Thank God for the encouragement of my husband, B. J. He reminded me of why I agreed to go to the event in the first place - TO SUPPORT MY FRIEND. He also reminded me that I possessed enough creativity to come up with a decent hairstyle and urged me not to let something as trivial as a hairdo blind me to what matters most.

That was the kick in the tail I needed to get things into perspective.

I gave my new growth a quick, fresh re-twist, moisturized my locs, and attended that event with my friend without giving another thought to what my hair looked like. Once my hair was out of the way, I could freely enjoy the program, be present in the moment when my friend sang her song, and fully celebrate every woman in the room. It was glorious!

And to think that all of that would have been missed if I had continued to be fixated on this false standard of beauty or acceptability predicated by the condition of my hair.

Why does hair have to be such a struggle in the first place? Is it because we as women are socially conditioned to base far too much value on our physical appearance? Probably. Think about it. How do you define the proverbial "good hair day"? Quite likely as a day in which not only you, but other people whose opinions you value think your hair looks exceptional. I swear it can feel like being an unwitting contestant in a perpetual beauty contest; objectified on demand.

It makes me wonder how many times has my hair been allowed to dictate my worth, my value, even my mood? How many times have I assumed that others are just as obsessed with my hair as I am?
How many opportunities have I allowed my hair to rob me of? How many meaningful moments in my life have been sacrificed because of my hair?

Well I can tell you for certain, NO MORE!

I choose to accept my curly, coiled, 4C hair and all of its unruly wonder. I have made a conscience effort to remove the undue significance I've erroneously given to my hair (and all my other physical features) and get back to the true foundation of my identity: my character and my boundless spirit.
And as I practice embracing and appreciating these features as premiums, I find myself stepping out of the shadows of superficiality and it is making all the difference in the world!

ME23: 6 Steps to Turn Your Resolutions into Your Revolution (Part 5)

Greetings from The D-Vine!

Wow! I don't know about you, but 2016 has gotten off to a crazy start for me. As I mentioned in my last post, my family and I are working on something and there's a big transition that goes along with it. But I promise, when it's all over, you'll get the exclusive story from yours truly. :)

Now, let's dive in to Part 5 of ME23!

Psalm 23:5 NLT

"You prepare a FEAST for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup OVERFLOWS with blessings."

Principle #5: You Already Have More Than What it Takes to Win

I spent more time pondering this particular verse than any of the first four verses. To me, it personifies what a real personal revolution is all about. If you've already come this far in my blog series, I believe it's because you don't want to just survive, you want to THRIVE! 

There's a lasting result that we're after here, and it should have an exponential impact on how you do life. So in order to help you get the most out of this week's principle, I thought I'd break it down into its three essential points.

1. When you think of a feast, you probably think of food, right? Well, I think with this verse the psalmist is trying to tell us to think in terms of abundance in the face of lack. In other words, to know that you have more than enough going for you even if your situation says otherwise. The power doesn't lie in the enemy you face. It lies in how you face your enemy. Say you've been turned down for a job you really wanted because you're under qualified. You can look at it as yet another rejection, or you can see it as putting you a step closer to your perfect position.
2. When is the last time you were honored by someone? I'm not talking about receiving an award or anything. I mean just being truly affirmed and appreciated. That long, huh? LOL! Well here's a golden nugget from this verse that really boosted my confidence. Just as a shepherd pours oil on his sheep's head to keep bugs from irritating or infecting them, God will do the same for you. Facing negativity in any form is not always easy, and the forces behind it can be as annoying as a swarm of gnats. But consider this. To be anointed means to be chosen by "divine election." That means that no matter what comes at you, you've already been "elected" by God as the winner.
3. You're not waiting for abundance to strike. You already possess it! Jesus said, "Life is not defined by what you have, even when you have a lot." (Luke 12:15 MSG). Remember, PERCEPTION is the name of the game. Here's an awkward but very apt example of this. Kanye West and Donald Trump are two names that are trending high in the media right now because of their outrageous self-promoting antics. While I don't condone their egomaniacal ways, it's hard to miss the fact that because of the way they perceive themselves, they act with great confidence and it's getting them results. Yes, you should be humble, not prideful. But being humble does not mean you should ignore or downplay what you've been given to work with. Flip the script and start perceiving yourself through God's eyes, as more than a conqueror, and overflow will begin to manifest all over your life. 

What's the takeaway?

Your battle is fought and won in your HEAD first, not in your heart. Don't let how you feel distort the truth. To live the abundant life, you must revolutionize your thinking. The less garbage you put in, the less you'll get out. Become much more selective about what you lend your brainpower to. 

Action Step

In a recent interview with Vogue magazine, presidential hopeful, Hillary Clinton remarked that while she's great at advocating for other people, she's not so good at doing it for herself. But now she perceives herself differently than she did a few years ago, and she's better able to give a clear voice to what makes her the best person for President.

If you feel you don't have enough, or you simply aren't enough, I want you to take a bold step. Post a comment on the D-Vine blog page stating a quality (not anything material) that you know you have in abundance. If you want to take it a step further, put that same post on your Facebook or Twitter page with the hashtag #IamenoughME23. I'll start the ball rolling.

I am abundantly gifted at being a great listener

The point is to OWN IT. Make it a practice to perceive your abundance in your everyday life. When you do, you'll transform into the woman you were always meant to be - despite any opposition.

Until next time, BE WHO YOU ARE AND LOVE IT!

ME23: 6 Steps to Turn Your Resolutions into Your Revolution (Part 4)

 

photo source: embracehiscall.com

Hey D-Viners!

Yes, I know. I've been away from the keyboard for a minute. But it's because I'm in the middle of a big transition right now (still in it, as a matter of fact). But it's all good. More about that later.

I didn't want to leave you in suspense about the next post in my ME23 series. So let's get back on track, shall we?

Next up... Psalm 23:4

"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff PROTECT and COMFORT me."

Principle #4: You Will Find Comfort in the Protection of Discipline

I know, I know. Comfort is not usually the first word that comes to mind when you think of discipline. But it's true. Science has proven it again and again.

Prime example: If you discipline yourself to eat healthier and become more physically active, you will start to slim down, your energy and confidence will increase, and your overall disposition will improve. Hence, COMFORT ensues.

Now let's put that into context using Psalm 23:4. What can we extract from this verse to help you revolutionize your life right now?

First of all, it is inevitable that you will experience dark valleys in your life from time to time. We all do. But remember, they don't come to stay. They come to pass. The point is, when you go through these seasons, it's not about what's happening to or around you, it's HOW you respond. This is where discipline comes in. 

To help you fully appreciate the wisdom of Principle #4, I thought I'd share some facts about how ancient shepherds used only a simple rod and staff to preserve the lives of their sheep.

THE ROD

• Used to safeguard the sheep from danger 
• Thrown out to alert the sheep that has wandered away
• Used to closely inspect and examine the sheep's overall condition

Are you concerned about doors that have been closed in your life? Don't trip. Most likely, God is protecting you from danger or regret (even if you think you're missing out on a great opportunity).

Do you sense warning bells going off on the inside? Perhaps you've wandered away from the path God has predestined for you. He may be trying to get your attention.

Feeling convicted about things you always claimed as just a part of who you are? Maybe God is trying to separate fact from fiction in order for you to recognize the woman he intends for you to become.

THE STAFF

• Used to draw sheep close together in intimate relationship
• Used to guide the sheep and keep it on the right path
• Used to reach out and catch individual sheep to draw them in for closer examination by the shepherd

Have you been isolating yourself from others out of shame, embarrassment, or frustration? Yes. There may be times when God will call you to a place of solitude for a time. But you must be careful not to initiate these times on your own. When it's prompted by God, you run the risk of being led away by your own emotions.

Did you start out with good intentions, but find that you've lost your way? Stop. Breathe. Listen. God wants to reveal not only what is distracting you, but also why it has the power to do so. This is information you can't afford to ignore.

Do you use busyness to avoid facing yourself? Do you sometimes justify your actions, even when you know you should change? Holding on to your version of the truth doesn't do you or anyone else any good. It's when you willingly lay all your cards on the table (the good, the bad, and the ugly) that you truly become free.

What's the takeaway?

"If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding." ~ Proverbs 15:32

I trust that you love yourself too much to intentionally hurt yourself. Therefore, it would help if you would try seeing correction and discipline as a friend and not a foe. Embracing discipline will bring order to your life and in turn, you'll ultimately find comfort in God's sufficient grace.

Action Step

The foundation of true discipline lies in your ability to release your mindset, your way of doing things, and taking time to learn how God does things. If you're feeling brave enough to be transparent, share an area of your life in which you know that you need to relinquish control to God. I will commit to praying for you and encouraging you to follow through in that specific area.

You may post your response here on the blog, or share it with a close and trusted friend. The aim here is to be accountable for initiating the change you seek.

Stay tuned for Part 5 of my ME23 blog series!

Peace & Blessings,

Tracy 

Flakiness is Better on Biscuits

There's nothing better on a Saturday morning than a fresh-baked batch of good 'ol buttery, flaky biscuits! Looking at this picture, can't you just smell 'em. Mmmmm...

Okay, okay. Now let's get to the point. Why am I bringing up biscuits? Because that's one of the few places where flakiness is actually appreciated. However, it's not too attractive on a person's character.

Be honest. Can people rely on you to keep your word? Let's do a check-up.

• Do you frequently make plans with friends or co-workers but end of backing out at the last minute?
• Do you sometimes over-promise and under-deliver to your employer, employees, or organization members?
• Are you nice to certain people only when you want something from them?
• Do you flippantly agree to support someone's fundraiser or cause but then renege when it's time to pay up?
• Do you "really" work only when being watched?
• Do you wait till the last minute to get a project done, then push your work off on others when the deadline approaches?
• Do you make excuses about why you couldn't follow up on an important phone call or email?
• Do you frequently keep others waiting on you?

If you just let out an "ouch" here and there as you read this, chances are you may be flaky. A flaky person is someone who is just plain unreliable. Now, I know that all of us have a little flakiness about us sometimes. But what I'm actually talking about are frequent offenders; those people who just don't have enough regard for others.

If you're honest enough to admit that you've committed some of the above offenses more often than not, there's no shame here. Admitting it is the first step. The next step is to find out why you behave this way, then pray and ask God to help you change.

There used to be an old saying back in the 80's, "word is bond." It was a way of saying, "You can depend on me." People who are known for being dependable have far better relationships and far more peaceful lives. God desires that for you. Do you desire it for yourself?

Let's take to heart what God's Word has to say about empty promises.

"And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." ~ Matthew 5:33-37

Remember, flakiness is only appreciated on biscuits :-)